There is always Room for Hope is the title of the book I wrote when battling my partner’s cancer. Writing helped me cope with the elephant in the room and hope was what I held on to with both hands and my heart. And somehow we managed to survive and ultimately win the battle against all odds. This was six years ago. With life resuming its normal course I had forgotten about those terrible days.
It is only this morning when I sat on my balcony after yet another sleepless night wondering where we would be next month, next year, next…., that the title of my book suddenly appeared in my mind and I once again understood that in the darkest hour, hope was the only lifeline you could cling to. And hence, today, when all seems dark in the horizon I need to hang on to hope like never before.
Project Why’s life is a stake as in spite of all our efforts and prayers, the miracle we sought is nowhere in sight. We are again on life support and need to find a long term solution to continue our work or else look for the honourable way out, if way out there is. My blood runs cold at the very thought as every part of Project Why is like a child to me and I do not want to be face with Sophie’s choice. Yesterday we received a rejection from a funding institution; many of our appeals have gone unheard and unanswered; the situation is grim to say the least.
And yet amidst all this, hope remains alive.
When I look back at the last two decades I recall the umpteen times when we have been at the edge of despair and yet never gave up hope. And each and every time a miracle, for want of a better word, occurred making me believe that there was someone, the God of Lesser beings, who intervened and ensured we remain on track. I must confess that there were times when we were almost hubristic in our approach, making promises and commitments that defied all reason. But somehow we knew in our hearts that we would be able to stand by them: we never gave up hope.
Today I have over a thousand children with dreams in their eyes who believe that we can fulfil them. I have a team of almost 50 souls who depend on us to feed their loves ones. So how can I give up hope?
I did not give it up when a scalded baby landed in my arms and today he is a lovely teenager who walks in your heart or when a little girl was found rummaging the garbage dump for foods, her body burnt her fingers fused and today she is an impish young girl who you cannot help but fall for.
I did not give it up when broken hearts came to us for repair; I did not give it up when bulldozers raised my happy place to the ground, I did not give it up when a bunch of boys were riled by their principal who branded them as gutter snipes, I did not give it up each time a mother came with a prayer that needed to be answered. I never gave up because I knew that no matter how dark the night, there was hope at the end of it when the sun would rise again.
So today again I need to hold on to hope as tight as I can, and believe in my heart that the sun will rise again tomorrow. I just need the strength to go through the night.