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The recent scrapping of the class X Boards has been welcomed by one and all. Then why is it that I am feeling uneasy and slightly rattled. I sat for a long time trying to figure out what was disturbing me and why I was not jumping with joy. Was I not the one who had always been against examinations that tended to assess a child’s future on her of his performance on a single day. Was I not the one who once extolled the benefits of alternative schools to all those who would hear me. And yet here I was brooding over the news of Boards being scrapped. What had changed?

The answer was simple: then I thought of my kids, now the faces that came to mind was those of the pwhy kids whom I had seen toiling over class X exams for many years now and succeeding. What was disturbing me was how they would perform in the new scenario. What would we expected of them and how would they be able to compete with their peers from privileged homes and schools? I decided to try and find out what would be expected of them in the new continuous evaluation system.

The new CBSE grading system would comprise of a summative and a formative assessment. While the former would be based on the term end examinations, the later was far more complex and would evaluate class work, home work, assignment and project work. The system again seemed to tilt in favour of the privileged schools where project work and assignments were the order of the day. Sadly in government schools that was not the case at all. In such schools the only thing that mattered was learning and mugging for one exam and one did that with the help of guide books, past question papers et al. Now all this had ended and much of the performance of the student would be assessed on work done in class along the year.

I read somewhere that special training classes were soon to be held for teachers. I wonder how they will achieve changing mindsets and old ways. Extra classes and tuition days are now passe. Every child will have to perform day-after-day. Knowing the situation prevalent in government schools one wonders how that will happen and one also wonders how one needs to reinvent one’s self to address the new situation. I guess things will fall in place after a few batches and that in the ultimate analysis it is all for the better but I still ask myself how a student whose family can barely buy her guide books will be able to come up with all the resources needed to complete an assignment or project that the child will have to complete in a cramped tenement she shares with many.

Sohil is the new kid in the special section. He is 6 years old and has hydrocephalus. He also has spindly legs and malformed feet making his gait unsteady and awkward. But that does not deter him from doing everything his new pals do.

Come dance time and Sohil surreptitiously moves towards a wall and takes his position. In this way he knows he will not fall. And once the music plays, Sohil dances with his heart, his huge head and tiny body gyrating and moving just like any Bollywood star.

Little Sohil is very talkative and loves asking questions. He is extremely friendly and goes to every and anyone. He is the darling of the class and is loved by all but his special friend is little Radha and they are often together. My heart misses a beat each time I see them. Do they actually realise that they are soul siblings? Do they know that they both have truncated lives and can not dream of many morrows? Is that why they are so attracted to each other.

Radha and Sohil are both extremely bright and intelligent kids. In spite of their handicaps they are extremely independent and have a rare thirst for knowledge. They are like little sponges wanting to imbibe everything that comes they way and always wanting more. Their joie de vivre is infectious. They deserve to live long and fruitful lives and yet we all know that their sojourn on this planet is short, very short. Had they been born on the other side of the fence they could have perhaps dared aspire to more. But that is not to be.

When Radha and Sohil are in class there is no space for gloom or despair. Everyone gets touched by their special brand of optimism and moods get lifted by magic. Life is celebrated in its purest form and everyone is joyful. And for a brief moment all is well on planet earth.

Watch Sohil dance, you too will be touched by his magic

For the past almost ten years now, project why has been giving what can best be called after school support to hundreds of slum children. For the past almost ten years we have basked in the glory of knowing that all our children passed their examinations and that no one dropped out. For the past almost ten years this seemed to be our mission and we were true to it. The challenge now was to see our work become sustainable and thus freed of any vagary that could hamper or even halt it midway.

Thus was born the idea of planet why, and though its primary function was undoubtedly to raise funds for our work. But that is not where it stopped as, almost intuitively and even surreptitiously, silent yet deafening whys were heard and needed to be addressed. One of them was simply: after this, what? Or in other words what would happen to our kids after they completed their schooling keeping in mind ground realities. Let me elaborate a little. It is a fact that in spite of our best efforts most of our children will never be top of the class. What must remember that they run the race with huge handicaps: a late start, a hostile environment, no support at home, no English at home, no access to extras (books, computers, internet), no positive stroking, no encouragement and much more. That they even manage to complete their. studies is nothing short of a miracle. But the question that begs to be answered is what do you do with a class XII certificate with poor marks? The answer is: not much. And the reality is that with no extra skills or learning the child is often doomed to follow the father’s footsteps and become what he could have without his long school years.

Parents of such children do not have the means to give them the required added skills needed to change their lives and break the cycle in which they are caught. The long school years look like a terrible waste. This has been disturbing me for some time now and that is perhaps why planet why was conceived the way it has been: a way to take the children a step further and give them the skills they need to become productive. Hence after school they could learn an added skill: be it in the guest house (housekeeping, catering, gardening etc) or in the courses we envisage running when we have the space and infrastructure to do so: plumbing, electrical work, TV repair, mobile phone repair etc.

It is imperative that we do so and sooner than later. Otherwise the very spirit of project why is defeated.

The austerity debate has been going on for too many days! For the past week we have been treated or should I say subjected to innumerable debates and parleys on whether Members of Parliament and others in so called power should fly economy or business. Innumerable tweets and blogs have been written on the subject.

The debate seemed to have been triggered off by news of two Ministers living in 5 star hotel suites pending availability of their Luytens bungalow that were being spruced off. And before one knew it the battle had boiled down to business versus economy class travel and the ensuing parleys laughable: one dignitary talked of his long legs while the other of his need for a state-of-the-art gym. Well my dear Sirs, have you forgotten that you belong and represent a land where there are millions who go to sleep hungry without a roof on their heads. That a whole week was needed to discuss whether one should travel in one class or another is frivolous. It is just matter of status symbol as in fact both classes get you from point A to point B in exactly the same time barring the fact that one saves a little of the tax payer’s money.

The austerity debate should have led to some serious soul searching about whether each one was discharging his of her duties in the best manner possible. It should have led to course corrections in functioning and delivering. I have often held that if all government projects and schemes delivered 50% of what they promised, India would be a different country altogether. A simple scheme like the ICDS launched in 1975, that is 34 years ago, would have taken care of malnutrition and immunisation for millions of children. And the list is endless.

We cannot be fooled anymore by cosmetic actions like the ones proffered in the on-going debate. We have earned the right after six decades of independence to be taken seriously. I was shocked by the tone and words of a political party spokesperson when he said on national TV that he was willing to travel in the cargo hold if he were given the permission! This is not a game dear Sir. If the government has felt the need to talk austerity, it is because the country is facing a severe crisis and we expect our representatives to behave in a befitting manner.

No one would grudge first class travel to anyone, if all else was going well. We are fed up to see our so called leaders waste precious time on frivolous debates.

The tragic death of seven young girls in a stampede in a secondary government school is a tragedy that no words can describe adequately. Like thousands of children across the city, these girls went to school to sit for their second term exams. It was a rainy day and classes were flooded. A simple rumour triggered a stampede in the sole narrow staircase of a building that housed over 2000 children at a time. The result: seven lives were lost and many children were seriously injured.

A multitude of deafening whys scream for answers and yet one knows that few if any will be answered. The usual and sated response mechanism has been set in motion: endless and useless enquiry commissions and monetary compensation for the dead and injured. Enough is enough. The children of India have the right to demand that things be set right once for all and that ALL the children of India be treated in the same way, notwithstanding their social origin. They are fed up of being treated as second class citizens and demand their place in the sun. The society of schools should be made equitable. It is time that slogans like education for all be taken seriously. Band aid solutions are not enough. Every school in the country should be a centre of excellence, a place where children can learn and remain safe. What goes by the name of schools is nothing but an aberration! Dilapidated buildings with no basic amenities are not acceptable.

I wonder who designed the building of the school where this terrible terrible tragedy occurred? How can over 2000 children be housed in a building which has only one narrow staircase? How long will be keep silent spectators and allow this to continue? How many more young lives will have to be sacrificed before we open our eyes and dare to look and perhaps see? Reality stares us in the face and we simply look away.

Tomorrow or perhaps the day after, this tragedy will be forgotten. Some cosmetic action will be taken in the hope of assuaging matters and life will resume its course. That is sadly the harsh reality.

Our website has a brand new look. Do check it out. It is a labour of love! Some months back Anisa a wonderful young lady wrote to me offering her support. She said she could help us redesign our site if I so wished. I of course accepted and thus began a journey that culminated in our new site going on line this morning.

I must confess that I was quite pesky and annoying as we old ladies often are and I must admire Anisa’s patience as she incorporated all my idiosyncrasies: be it my annoying obsession for pristine looks, or my insistence to include often redundant information. She bore it all and painstakingly incorporated each and every element I asked for. Slowly the new site emerged, just as I had often dreamt it to be. Till now, the project why site had been the result of my haphazard attempts at web mastering. For the first time in almost 10 years we had a professional site, and yet it it reflected the spirit of what pwhy stood for. Kudos to Anisa who had the ability to read the mind of an old biddy sitting thousands of miles away.

Our site has come of age. And I guess somewhere we have too. Ten years is a long time. I remember my first hesitant attempts at learning an alien language: htm and html were double dutch to me. And yet the need of having a website was real. We did not have the funds to pay for professional expertise and did not have supporters or friends to reach out to. A static site was no option, so I decided to try my hand at it and I guess managed to muddle my way through. Thank heavens no one saw the patchwork masterpieces that my programming was. The end product was palatable and that is all that mattered.

Today I can take a breather and sit back and enjoy the new project why website. It is more than just a site. It shows how over the years we have crafted an amazing network of supporters ad friends who today spontaneously reach out to us when we need them. This is undoubtedly the strength of project why, something I would not like to lose for anything in the world. It infuses pwhy with a rare spirit and makes us want to continue walking that extra mile with a smile on our lips and a song in our hearts.

Thank you Anisa,

It was PTM time again. The reason for this PTM being so close to the previous one, was that the children are beginning their exams on the 14th and will be busy till early next month. As usual it was a pleasure to see them smiling and happy and full of stories to tell.

We spent some time sharing their world. It is amazing how easy it is to forget one’s troubles and woes, albeit briefly, and revel in tales of missing shoes and stolen goodies. We of course could not resist adult pontificating about the virtues of sharing and the wisdom of looking after one’s possessions. Adults will be adults! But all in all we did spend some quality time being kids again and thus recharged our own batteries. It was a wonderful moment. We left the children with ample goodies and lots of hugs.

The ride back was as always spent in silence. Moments like these are precious and rare and need to be savoured and enjoyed to the fullest. Yet slowly, the mind started traveling back and forth and images of what is, what could have been and what will perhaps be began spilling over. Each of these incredible kids could easily have been living a life of despair. Was not Babli the very little girl who barely three years ago sat on cart selling tobacco and biscuits? And Vicky the babe in arms in a family struggling to survive? And little Utpal would have easily been the scalded child begging at a street corner to pay for his parent’s daily dose of hooch? yes all this could have happened had not the God of lesser beings decided otherwise and set his incredible miracle making machine to work. Angels of shade and hues appeared from across the universe and set to create the enabling conditions needed to transform the lives of these children. And in no time everything fell in place. Today these children are busy making up for lost time and reclaiming their lost childhood. And as for what tomorrow holds, only the God of lesser beings knows. All we can say is that anything is possible.

As these thoughts crowded my mind, my heart filled with a deep sense of gratitude and indebtedness to all those who made it all happen and above all to the God of lesser beings who has over the years always walked with us and shown us the way.

Share a few moments of this wonderful and blessed morning

Little Radha never ceases to amaze us. In spite of her brittle bones and her useless legs she is the most independent child I have seen. She participates in each and every game, dances and even jumps around. True she evolves her own ways some quite stunning as her way of drinking water!

Radha is a true survivor. Her zest for life is infectious. Her thirst for knowledge is overwhelming. It is as if she wants to pack all she can in her truncated life, as if she knows that time is short. Watching her is uplifting and heart wrenching.

Vineel is a new student in the creche. He was born without forearms, his hands awkwardly stuck to his elbow making it quasi impossible for him to do simple tasks like hold a pencil to write or pull down his shorts to go the loo. If he falls, he hurts his nose or face as his arms cannot reach out to break the fall.

Vineel is a bright and intelligent child who wants to be just like his pals and tries to do everything the others do as best he can. In spite of it being the first day in school and in spite of the tears that kept welling from time to time, Vineel did us proud as he danced and played with his new pals.

One may wonder what Vineel’s morrows will hold. He has all it needs to go to a regular school and yet will he be accepted. No one knows. It is certain that Vineel will need help and special care, something a government and even a private school may not be able to offer. He will have to be helped in some tasks and above all will have to be protected from the sometimes cruel remarks and actions of his peers. His small handicap should not shut the doors of a sound education and yet one fears for him.

We will in the next year try and make him as independent as possible by evolving ways in which he can do the simple everyday tasks that will be asked of him as he grows. We will try and build his confidence to help him face what lies ahead. Vineel deserves the best and we will make sure he gets it.

There is a buzz in the air. In a little town in Spain another book sale is organised by our dear friends Irene, Andy and Mike; in Singapore the Indian Women’s Association organises and NGO Forum and project why is one of the featured organisations. The project is presented by our dear friend Kim Hoh who hates speaking in public and yet overcomes his distaste and gives a voice to the hopes and dreams of 800 children. A supporter launches a campaign that aims at setting up a library for project why. Our world our stories is a new initiative where you simply click to join the cause and we get a step closer to our library. Project why is in the air! Wow! Wonder what we did to deserve this.

I must confess that the past few weeks have been rather grim. News of donors pulling back recession oblige, delays in securing funds for our ambitious yet needed sustainability programme, and more of the same had made spirits sink low. And then just as I was trying to kick start myself again, project why was in the air. All these wonderful initiatives that made me once again believe that notwithstanding obstacles, hope prevailed and all would be well.

It let my thoughts travel back in time and as memories were resurrected I realised how over the years project why had survived and thrived thanks to the good will of people the world over who almost miraculously appeared when things looked dark and scary. It was almost as if the God of lesser beings was sending us messages in his own inimitable way. The messages were always subtle almost ethereal: a child sending her pocket money, someone giving up birthday gifts, another wedding presents, someone organising a bake sale.. small gestures of hope and love that make us believe in what we are doing and gives us the strength to carry on.

Sunday was PTM day for our little foster care kids. This was the first PTM since school opened. For the past week there had been a flurry of activity to prepare for D day. All the parents had to be informed and plans made. It was decided that the parents of all our four kids: Babli, Vicky, Nikhil and Aditya would pool resources and hire a car. Every one was excited.

On Sunday morning they all set out bright and early for what was to be a very special day. After meeting the kids it was time to meet the teachers. Everyone was thrilled to see the results and even more so as Babli and Vicky had stood second in their respective classes. Report cards were collected and then the children showed the school to their proud parents: the dorm, the dining hall and the play grounds. The excitement was palpable and the pride in the children’s and parents eyes was for all to see.

A set of incredible circumstances enabled these four children and their little pal Utpal to break the circle of poverty and a life in the slums and accede to a good education, the kind you would give your child. This is nothing short of a miracle. Had they been left where they supposedly belonged, most of them would not have completed their school, and even run the risk of becoming child labour. It almost happened with Babli! And that time no one would have believe that the same little girl would one day be in a boarding school happily building her morrows. And yet that is exactly what she is doing today with her little pals.

After the grand tour it was time for a little outing to a nearby park. There was a surprise in store for the children: the moms had packed loads of home made food for their children and everyone had an impromptu picnic. Then the happy party returned to school to share lunch with the children in the dining hall. A grad moment for all. Soon it was time to leave an say bye till the next time.

You can share some glimpses of this very special day

It was very hard to walk into the pwhy building yesterday. For the past 6 years I had been greeted almost every morning by Nanhe’s huge smile, and if for some reason I was lost in my thoughts and failed to look in his direction, Nanhe, the child who could not speak, always managed to get my attention and treat me to his huge smile and I knew that no matter what, all would be well.

Yesterday there was no smile to greet me. The building seemed strangely empty and hollow. I knew things would never be quite the same. One may wonder what a little broken soul like Nanhe could mean to someone like me, how a little seemingly useless being could become such an important part of one’s life. It is once again a matter of looking with one’s heart. Nanhe was undoubtedly an Angel that the God of Lesser Souls sent our way. His message was simple and clear: no matter what life is still beautiful and no matter how bad it looks, it is still worth a smile. And the little chap lived by the book: even in his worst moments of pain, he never lost his smile. And when you looked at him smiling you suddenly felt uplifted. No matter where and when, in a hospital ward where he lay or in his tiny hovel Nanhe smiled.

Tomorrow maybe Nanhe will be forgotten. His is not a life you commemorate. The pain we feel today will undoubtedly lessen and even vanish, life does have to go on. He more than anyone else would have wanted it to. But for me it is important to ensure that it is not a life lived in vain. I did hear his message loud and clear and it is a simple one: never give up, no matter how dark the night looks dawn is only a few moments away. And I promise you little Nanhe, I will not give up. You have left many smiles in my custody and I promise you they will be safe.

Let this blog be his epitaph. I urge you to look at the pictures below. You too will be touched by the magic of a little angel’s incredible smile.

That Nanhe was important is borne by the number of blogs written for him. read them if you have the time.
when today is over
to die for
for the little ones
urban treat
how many times must nanhe
a smile in custody
pwhy and beyond
back with a bang
praying for a smile
because of your smile
the spunk of a smile
when nanhe’s eyes are smiling
smiling on
a smile lost
a smile referred to
a promotion for nanhe
wish I had a dreamcatcher
whose life is it anyway
an unequal battle
is it walking towards him
miracles happen everyday
return of the buddy
a samosa and a jig
nanhe is back
mazza a gaya

Yesterday the God of Lesser beings reclaimed what was rightfully his: Nanhe’s smile. Yes, you heard it right little Nanhe is no more with us, he left for a better world taking his smile with him. I still do not know how I will make it through today and days to come, I had got addicted to his smile.

And yet we all knew that this smile was in custody and never rightfully ours. Over the past 5 years we have feared for it many many times, fought for it and felt relieved each time it has come back to us. And he too held on to his smile no matter what, and came back as if on cue to light our lives and made us forget how fragile it really was.

Over the past five years Nanhe and his smile have defied every rule in the book, every doctor’s prognostic and stood firm. And though we knew he had no tomorrows, he made us believe that he had many and we did believe him. Even when we were told that he needed a brand new kidney and logic screamed that the end was near. He simply survived every challenge and was back with his smile. With him miracles were every day occurrences! Nanhe simply defied every obstacle that came his way,

The last few weeks had been relatively uneventful: some sniffles, a bout of indigestion – normal for one who loves samosas -! Last week he had a nasty fall in his home but he was back his smile in place looking a little lopsided amidst the bruises and stitches. He was in class two days back, looking his usual happy self. It is only yesterday that he did not come and we thought nothing of it. How were we to know that finally the God of Lesser Beings would decide this was the day to reclaim what had always been rightfully His.

Mornings will never be the same. I will never be greeted by that very special blessed smile that made me believe that nothing was impossible and that miracles did happen.

I am lost.

Recently a donor asked us to find out where the pwhy alumni was today. I felt a little sheepish as this was an exercise we should have done but somehow it slipped our minds. So it was time to set out and find out where all our past students were. We began class XII classes in 2006 and our class of 2006 all 5 of them have good jobs. One of them is also doing his BCA while working.

Our class of 2007 is more studious. One of them is doing Chartered Accountancy, four of of them are in college and one is working while doing her BA. The class of 2008 is also studying. Shashi Kant who was the South Delhi topper in Government schools is in college. Three of his classmates are doing their Chartered Accountancy, four are in college and two of them are working and also studying. And this year’s batch is not to be left behind. The class of 2009 has 6 Chartered Accountancy aspirants and the remaining 6 are in college. Wow is all I can say!

It is heartwarming to see all these children of a lesser God bloom and shine. The number of budding CAs brings a smile on my face as I remember how Naresh our secondary teacher spent two years taking accountancy classes to be able to teach the subject. This was before we actually began class XII teaching. And today many of his students are aspiring to become CAs.

I was thrilled when I got all this information. It was really fulfilling to see that all the efforts we had put in bore fruits and that perhaps we had helped a handful of kids aspire to a better morrow. I must confess that I sat for a long moment taking all this in, my heart filled with pride and joy.

This is the I time normally remember Ram and what he meant to me. Every year since his departure I have never forgotten to reminisce about him, particularly on his birthday, celebrated on the very day of India’s Independence. There is however another birthday that is celebrated within our home the day before: it is the one of R, my husband.

R has been my life partner for 35 years. In all those years he has always stood, albeit quietly, by everything that I have done. If not for him pwhy would not have seen the light of day. Very often in life we take people simply for granted and forget to express gratitude where it’s truly due. We often fail or forget to realise that there are some people who give us the strength to fulfill our aspirations, who clear the path so that we can walk, who give invisible yet strong wings to our dreams. R has done just that. In his strong yet unobtrusive way he has stood by me in my moments of weakness and doubt. He has been the shoulder I can always lean on, the sounding board of all my ideas before they get translated into reality and has never failed to boost a sagging spirit or calm an irate one.

I was thrilled beyond words when R accepted to come by pwhy on his birthday and see the little show that the special children had put together. R visits to pwhy have been rare. Somehow he has always chosen to remain in the background and let me soar in what is my world. I realise today that he did this for me, respecting the space I had created for myself, not wanting to take away anything that was duly mine. It is indeed very humbling. That he decided to come by and spend some time with us on this day – his 60th – was indeed special.

Thanks are due today to this wonderful man without who nothing would have ever been possible.