by Anuradha Bakshi | Nov 17, 2005 | Uncategorized
It was a celebration… but one with a difference.. and one that celebrated ‘difference’!
p and j got married.. in a city where weddings have become barometers of one’s success.. where people wreck their brains to find ways of outdoing others.. where flowers are flown from across the world and strange cuisines discovered… where guests drip jewellerey and stand in bored silence..
p and j got married.. in a ceremony that did out do many.. the groom came on a motorcycle and the wedding party followed in three wheelers to the beat of frenzied dholaks played by pwhy parents , the ceremony was held in the tiny lawn of the bride’s house and not in any farm house or starred hotel, the caterer was up market and the tentwallah from a slum, the guest lists was eclectic coming from diferent lands and all walks of life.. and everyone came together to wish the couple a happy life..
It was a wedding that brought together many worlds , one that proved that diferences needed to be celebrated…
by Anuradha Bakshi | Nov 15, 2005 | Uncategorized
Two days from today my I marry my fist born…
A simple marriage is anathema to this city we live on…
As the marriage season dawns India’s capital city is replete with weddings that would put Mira Nair’s Monsson Wedding to shame.. it is almost as if Delhi’s beautiful people come alive.. you are flooded with wedding invitations that look like art pieces and you wonder how many trees were cut to make one such card…and cards cannot come alone: they are accompanied by sweetmeats in boxes that discreetely reveal the state of your bank account… and then comes the task of deciding which ceremony you will attend.. as gone are the days where invited to one only.. and what you will wear as that too is a yardstick to measure your success.
Weddings are no more family affairs where you were guided by the elders and the family priest, and have become social statements.. true that everyone is ready to agree with you when you say that they have become ostentatious displays of wealth, but quick to retort that it cannot be otherwise and that so for many reasons: from the wish of the child to be married to the fear of social stigma..
So planning a simple wedding, where the sanctity of the ceremony and the family traditions are paramount is quite a task, as I discovered in the past few days. My daughter’s wedding will held at home and there will be a limited number of people: the ones she wants to have on that very special day!
To achieve this in a city where everyone is judged by appareance has been a herculean task. Trying to explain why there are no cards, no fancy sangeets in hotels or farm houses, no fancy performers, no ostentatious wedding outfits that no one wears again is much harder than one may think. If you say that this is what you beleive in, the answer i :what will people say! You are made to feel unfair to your child, mean and marginal and after a while not fit for Delhi consumption.
But I did survive all and the guest list does not cross 100 and the number of food items on the table 10 and the music will be a dholak played by pwhy staff and the space has been limited to the confines of our home.. and the tone will be set by the family purohit..
But I must confess that I had to give vin to the demands of one side of my family: the project why children who also have the right the celebrate maam’s daughter’s wedding. They want a party where the main element has to be a D.J and a dance floor.
So one day after the wedding there will be a party in gNagar with a D.J., a dance floor and a coffee machine.
This simple demand made me realise how important it is for people lile us to do the right thing as what we called the poor, will always emulate what we do – good or bad – : to them that is the way to social transformation. The difference is that whereas we dip into our bank accounts or piled up wealth, they borrow at 10% a month from the local money lender.
Think about it….
by Anuradha Bakshi | Nov 7, 2005 | Uncategorized
Last week, a prominent magazine published a supplement on our city. The issue was about some of the social causes spearheaded by some individuals: a plethora of causes ranging from children to women, from rag pickers to legal rights, from environment and to animal welfare. project why also featured in it…
Out of all the causes, the one that made the cover was the sole animal welfare organisation…
People often wonder why I spend time surfing TV channels, particularly those viewed by the genral public.. infradig say my peers, but to me it is a way of gaging the reality around me, of comprehending what influences the people I work with and what ails society at that time..
An upmarket magazine will select as its cover picture one that moves its readers and so for a Delhi issue it chose a picture where the poor animal would bring the now very popular – cho chweet – that one hears in page 3 gatherings..
It is not the malnutritioned child that one would wish away if one could, or the garbage pile that will choke the environment, but the stray animal being bottle fed by a fellow citizen that will stir sympathy.
Wonder why? Maybe because the other images are too close to us or is it because they makes us aware of our responsibilities in a disturbing way…
A sad reflection of the reality we live in..
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 31, 2005 | Uncategorized
“I go to my friends place where we play cards and have a blast” says a young citizen of delhi in today’s morning paper.
“ I have lost about 10 000 rupees in three days but will make it up” adds another.
They are both between the age of 15 and 20.
I sometimes tell children around me, that in our day and times we have a two-caste system: one that has money and one hat does not have money.
This often said in a light vein.. sometimes tinged with cynicism..However the last year has brought to light many incidents that somehow seem to prove me right..
In search of the elusive 4000 people who would part with the even more elusive one rupee-a-day, we tried to establish contact with groups and institutions where we thought we could find what we sought. Colleges, well frequented coffee parlours and boof stores, large offices and much more. Everywhere we were saddened to see that no one was interested in parting with what does not even buy you a quarter cup of coffee, for a cause!
This post is not meant to be a sermon or discourse or a blame game.
But we must realise that masterminds of 29/10 need executors and these come from within us, often because young people living in the same city on the other side have dreams and aspirations but no one to fulfill them. They often suffer humiliation and need outlets to regain their misplaced dignity.
It is for us to decide whether we will give it back to them or leave them to the wolves waiting in the wings..
The answer is ‘education’ and that little rupee does just that!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 30, 2005 | Uncategorized
There is something about India…
It all began as a grim day, fuelled by the ability we human have of conjuring the worst when the door bell rang and f a tiny voice said ” maam kahan hai” – where is maam -. For an instant I wondered whetherI had lost it and was hearing voices!
Then in came mr popples holding his father’s hand. Nikhil – the dad- had some work to do at my home and mrp had come along. mr p’s dad , or rather the one who has given a name to this child conceived during a drunken brawl, is a carpenter, just like the father of a very special being we all know..
His constant babble, as he settled to share breakfast in the kitchen, suddently dispelled the gloom around and brought us all back to normalcy. So after a hearty breakfast drowned in dollops of tomato ketchup, or chutney as mr p calls it, I decided to go out and shop.
I must say one was apprehensive of finding empty markets, but this is India and people had decided not to give in to fear. Somehow they understood that this was the only way to defeat the purpose of terrorist attacks . Normalcy had to return and even in the affected parts, shops opened after the authorities cleaned up the debris in record time.
The citizens of Delhi took charge of their destiny and set aside the feeble sugestion of keeping markets closed. It was heartwarming to see that everyone held the same discourse: we have to carry on as if nothing had happened.. yes we do mourn those who lost their lives, but this is the only befitting way to tell them that their lives did not go waste..
Delhi today sprung back to normal, with determination and a spirit that needs to be saluted.. and maybe mr p. decided to come and show me the way!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 30, 2005 | Uncategorized
The morning after has broken, the sky is just lighting up and soon the sun will rise…
Nature does not wait for anyone or change its course with the flavour or mood of events gone by.. does not get influenced by the gore of the media or the empty words of sympathy of those who are maybe the ones in some way responsible for the situation. Nature carries on..
Many messages waited in my mailbox this morning expresing concern and anger and seeking answers to a multitude of questions, questions for which I too seek answers…
Women and children died in yesterday’s bombs, many are still fighting for their lives… The state machinery is runing helter skelter for answers as the opposition is sharpening its knives and waiting to pounce..
The media is playing and replaying the same gory unedited scenes in the hope of raising their TRPs, not realising that with each replay it is sending messages of hate to one community and fear to the other thus giving more fuel to divisive forces .. the rumour mills are afloat enjoying the sinister show with barely concealed glee..
The masterminds, safe in their anonymity, are enjoying the show, and the nameless and faceless backers are counting the profits of the renewed sales of their macabre ware…
The rich will shun markets and tell their kids to do the same for a while… the poor will have to overcome their fear and set out to earn the food for the day.. the foreign friends wil shun our land and though the big business will survive, the livelihood of many will come to naught…
Such dastardly acts can only be answered by not giving in to fear, by going on with one’s life with renewed determination… by refusing to listen to the half baked information .. by spurning with disdain nd contempt those who want to benefit by such acts..
Are we not in the habit of assigning to karma what we cannot explain, cannot or do not want to face.. often as an act of weakness.??
Why can we not for once use the karmic explanation in a positive way and get on with our lives.. continue to trust those we have till a few seconds before the lound bang.. can we not for once look with our own eyes and see that the picture that is appearing on the screen is the same one over and over again, can we not for once think with our own minds and understand who will benefit and who will suffer.. can we not for once be true and honest citizens of this land that has now for too long borne the burden of man-made division..
Can we not fall in love with India and do what is best for her?
