by Anuradha Bakshi | Dec 6, 2007 | women centre
Today is a very special day at the women centre as Utpal’s mom is coming back home! It is true that for a brief instant in the heat of the moment and the haste to succeed one had allowed one’s self to fleetingly forget the reason of our existence: giving women a second chance.
Today as Jhunnu makes her way home we all can redeem ourselves.
It has been a long ride home for this diminutive woman as she moved from place to place for long years nursing an ailment no one understood, but one that was slowly gnawing at her very soul. She battled her undiagnosed disease as best she could even at times when everyone turned against her. But her spirit never gave up.
Even why failed to recognise what truly debilitated her and spent two years treating the symptoms. It is only a few weeks back that the penny dropped.
This morning Sophie, a young nurse from France who is at present living at the women centre, decided to take a staff meeting and explain to all concerned what bipolar disorder was, as she felt that unless everyone understood the nature of the ailment, Jhunnu’s recovery would not be possible. As she described the signs and symptoms and stressed upon the fact that they were involuntary we all realised the pain and suffering that she had gone through.
As I listened on, I became aware of another fact that many of us may have overlooked: Jhunnu had no home but the women centre and no family but the motley crew that sat on the cold floor listening to Sophie. At that moment Christian Morgenstern’s words Home is not where you live, but where they understand you rang terribly true.
It was now for each one of us to make sure that this was truly home for one who had suffered too long and whose beautiful son waited patiently for a healed mother.
Welcome home Jhunnu!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Nov 29, 2007 | women centre
It is a a man’s world and even we women sometimes start believing this biased sexist view of life. Utpal’s mom is still in the psychiatric ward of a hospital and though she is better and fit to go home – read women’s centre – we have been dilly dallying about the date of her return. The reason: a medley of misconceptions, half baked truths, misguided rumblings that occurred after her departure. A typical reaction of male oriented society that revels in demeaning any woman who has slipped or just behaved in an atypical manner.
Utpal’s mom was deeply disturbed and ill. She needed compassion and understanding. But everyone decided otherwise walking what they thought was the high moral ground. And even I for an instant found myself nodding at what was being said.
Later that night, when I sat with myself as I normally do reviewing the day gone by,I realised what I had done and must confess that I was not proud of what I saw. How could I have sat silently and not reacted. But then it is a man’s world…
When I set out to create the women centre, it was to enable women who had a past to rebuild their lives. It was to reunite a mother and a child, it was to defend women who had been wronged. I knew that I had to fight tooth and nail and see that she returns home as I more than anyone else knew who she truly was.
The next morning my stand was vindicated when a mail from a volunteer – a male – vindicated what I felt. It said: The latter ( Jhunnu) is a petite lady who has never-ending energy, but who has to suppress her regular mood swings due to alcoholism in the past with medicine. It has always been my wish that Utpal returns to his mother’s side as soon as possible, and this desire simply grew when I witnessed the exemplification of life’s vigor in her. I knew truly that this was not sympathy, but exhilaration at the strength demonstrated against the heartlessness of fate. May we all live to experience the joyous celebration of reunion between mother and child.
How could I even for an instant forget that reunion. It all began almost 2 years ago when J was admitted into a rehab centre. it is true that the journey has not been a bed of roses, and that there have many ups and downs, many challenges, many dark moments but there have also been many glorious moments when for brief instants the Utpal found the arms of his mom and each one made us believe that we would reach our final destination.
Utpal has not broken a single rule and I more than anyone else owe it to him to meet every challenge that comes my way head on and with determination. I beat myself for having slipped for that tiny moment and wonder what made me do do. Was it the fear of social acceptance. Or was it the fright of seeing my work undone. Or was it old age catching up. Where was the woman who had written a passionate post entitled she stood alone in march 2004 and that read:
An incident occured today. Strange or prophetic that it should concern a woman. We had been wanting to shift Utpal’s family from the area they lived for a long time. Both parents drink and the surroundings were conducive to their weakness. I have never sat in judgement as I believe that each one of us has something we are not always proud of It is also true that circumstances play a large part in such matters. But anyway I felt that the family would have better chances close to us.
We found them a little room near my office and I thought that matters were settled.
However society is far more cruel than I could have imagined and when they reached the new place with their luggage, many women started abusing Jhunu saying that they did not want their neighborhood sullied. I was called and my heart went out to this poor woman, standing quietly next to her bags, in total silence. What is it that makes us act in such a manner?
I just stood by her, and held her and let my silence convey what I felt. Soon, someone came and told me they had found a new place in an adjacent slum we all helped them move and stayed with the little family for a long time. I remembered Mary Magdalene…
As I lay awake, late that night, I had just one thought in mind: to make Jhunu independent and have her learn a skill that would give her back a rightful place in society.
How could I have forgotten that the idea women centre actually took seed on that very day and that its very basis was to stand by any woman shunned by the rest of the world. I would rather think of this as being a sign that helps us chart our course of action for the future and makes us aware of the challenges that await us. So help me God!
This is a man’s world as the James Brown song says but how can we forget the next lines of the same song But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without a woman or …. a child.
by Anuradha Bakshi | Nov 9, 2007 | women centre
Our very own Mr P is spending his Diwali holidays at the women centre with his mom! What a long journey it has been for this little braveheart.
It is now a happy place filled with colours and laughter. The creche has begun in earnest and is filled with children. Primary classes are held under the benevolent gaze of masterji!
Admissions have begun for stitching and beauty classes that will be starting after the festive season as women are busy right now.
A simple wholesome meal is cooked for the staff each day and shared by all.
The residential wing has also been spruced up with each of our ladies adding their personal touch: Gods from different faith or that ones special toy that could not be resisted. It is now home to them.
May god bless them all!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 16, 2007 | women centre
Children never cease to amaze me as they always come up with the most unexpected statements.
On the day of the opening of the women centre, the children perused the whole place and even the toilets. One of the toilet has a western toilet seat something they had never seen. This led to much excitement as more children were called to examine the strange object.
There were giggles and much cogitation as they peered at the unknown thingamajig. After some time came the Eureka moment: I know what it is said one of the older boys: a small well!
After the initial amused reaction, I realised that it was the best analogy he could have made!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 15, 2007 | women centre
Monday 15th October dawned as a crisp bright day. One that was to be very special. We were opening the Kamala Centre for women and children. It did not quite turn out the way we had planned as painters and plumbers had not finished their work and hence no guests were called.
But we did have our very special inauguration with the children and a friend. There were flowers, brightly painted doors and even a sign board. There were biscuits and toffees and the traditional coconut not to forget the welcome cups of tea.
Many children wore their idis, the new clothes they had got the previous day for Eid. Some even donned jewellery borrowed from their moms. Everyone looked special: Nico and jhunnu in their lovelysarees and the kids in their sparkling outfits. A big picture of Kamala was set out and a lamp lit by her grandchild Shamika. The moment was perfect.
The children then settled on the brand new mats and every one’s name was registered. Then it was performance time as each child, even the tiniest stood up and sang a song, or recited a rhyme. There were film songs, patriotic songs and even religious ones. It was a joy to see the little faces eager and happy, coming together as one notwithstanding their creed or caste or state of origin.
Then it was lesson time as our dear friend Shankar who had come all the way from remote Gurgaon spoke about trees and nature gently guiding his rapt audience to the need to save and protect the environment. The children sat in silence, drinking in his words and asking questions that he lovingly answered.
It was soon time to go as much stilt needed to be done, but the children did not want to leave. They lingered on till one gently told them that school time was over.
Do click on the images below to share some Kodak moments of a perfect day.
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 12, 2007 | women centre
I do not know whether we will meet the October 15th deadline. Nevertheless there is a palpable sense of excitement in the air. Painters, plumbers, electricians and masons fight for space and are trying to finish their work.
The ladies are running helter skelter ensuring that nothing gets lost or broken with all the moving. Tempers are sometimes frayed and D our coordinator and lone man remains cool and always finds the right word to soothe the sulks and huffs.
In the midst of this frenzy are the children who have adopted us and the space they consider theirs. They come without fail and are loathe to leave. I guess their deadline passed long ago as for them we should have already been operational!
Women drop by too; by curiosity or just to share a moment. They are thrilled that soon the children will stop hanging around and be occupied. Some want a job, other want to learn a skill. But all are happy to have us there.
A single mother came by. Her husband left five years back for greener pastures in Bombay leaving her pregnant and alone. For us it was a great moment as she vindicated the spirit of the women’s centre.
Somehow it seemed that even before the centre actually opened its gates, it had taken off on its own driven by an ethereal energy emanating from the heavens above.
