Clarisse and Xavier have not ‘adopted’ Utpal legally but are nevertheless his French ‘parents’, and do everything a ‘parent’ would : loving him unconditionally and being there for him. Nothing proves that better than the story of a cricketer of yesteryear who ‘adopted’ the son of their laundry man, providing all the support he needed to succeed. Succeed he did: his latest gift to his ‘adoptive ‘ parents a swank Mercedes Benz. There were no need of papers and documents to seal the relationship all that was needed was love.
A recent article stated the sad fact that adoptions numbers were decreasing in India. The reason stated is paperwork! Another reason” surrogacy. Indians parents prefer adopting babies under one and will never adopt a differently abled child or a sick one. Adoption agencies have a glut of 3 to 4 years waiting for adoption. These will become 5, 6 and then 7 and one day become 18 year old when the law of the land does not give any further protection.
This reality was brought to light when last week a member of the Child Welfare Committee asked us whether we knew families that would be able to act as foster parents to children of dysfunctional families who are institutionalised. They cannot be adopted as they have natural parents. The conditions in institutions in India are far from the enabling environment a child needs to grow in as children with criminal backgrounds are placed with children from abusive homes. The risk of the child going the wrong way looms large. The children in question were from 1 to 10. Though we promised to try we knew it would be difficult if not impossible. And yet we knew how real the danger was.
Reaching out to a child with or without papers is all about love. As someone said: the adoption process can be challenging but love is instant! There are so many children who need us to open our hearts and let them in.
Yes ‘adopting’ a child will not change the world but for that child the world will change
She was barely 5 when she first joined the special section. It must have been in 2004. She could barely walk or talk. She was like a tiny frightened bird that needed to be tamed. As days went by and we got to know her better the smiles came hesitant at first then bigger and bigger. And a few steps and some sounds. The ice was broken. It would not take long before Sapna was like a fist in water in the special section of Project Why. But all was not well for her mom whose story breaks your heart. Do read it. It is the story of too many women in India.
Sapna was happy at Project Why but came the day where the family moved and she left. There was no news. We hoped for the best and prayed for her well being.
A fews days back her father came to the Project. The news was terrible. Sapna’s mom had passed away in March. She had suffered enough. The father asked us if we would have her back and the answer was a loud YES!
So Sapna is back. She is 16 now and really small. But her smile is there larger than ever and she was so thrilled to see us all. She walks now and even speaks. It is a delight to have her back and her old pals Umesh and Anurag are thrilled.
For us it is bittersweet: a gentle reminder of the fragility of her existence. What if something happens to her father? What if he remarries? Endless questions with no answers. A visit to her home was heart wrenching. The family had very little. Her brother Monty has turned for the worse. He told us that he sold ‘slippers’ from midnight to dawn. He seems to have been targeted by predators.
For the time being Sapna is with us. We have convinced Monty to come to the centre in the morning and study some. Though he has paper saying that he has studied till class VII he can barely read or write.
How much will we be able to do for these two lost souls is anyone’s guess but we will give it our best shot. Sapna will be safe with us during the day. We fear for her when she is back home.
Once again the critical need for a residential option like Project Why comes to mind. It was for the Sapna’s of this world.
Child abuse casts a shadow the length of a lifetime. Scars heal but the pain never goes away. And yet child abuse is on the rise. Recent studies show that there has been a 50% rise in the crime against children rate. Increased urbanisation seems to be a contributing factor. We are talking of children akin to those who come to Project Why everyday. Rape of children have become ‘epidemic’ in India’s capital city. Recently a mentally challenged 13 year old was brutally raped and left to die. She battles for her life.
A 8 year old was raped, she escaped death by pretending to be dead. She had seen this happen in a TV serial! One never thought one would give a thumbs up to serial viewing by kids!
The list is endless, each child being one too many, each one making one’s blood go cold.
At Project Why we are aware of this reality.
The first programme Project Why launched was aimed at children begging. The idea was if people gave biscuits instead of coins, the supply-demand equation could be turned on its head. Sadly it did not meet with success. However the plight of beggar children is still one of the most disturbing ones, a deafening Why that remains unanswered.
The case of the mentally challenged child who was abused once again brings to mind Planet Why. The first and most important reason for its existence was to provide safe haven to souls just like this little one. That too remained unachieved.
Project Why has always been, remains and always will be child centric. We are aware that these children are always at risk as they live in harsh conditions. Okhla is a drug haven and children are preferred targets. Teachers keep an extra eye on each child for tell tale signs, ready to intervene when needed.
Child abuse is most often perpetrated within the four walls of home, and thus a well-hidden secret tinged in guilt. Project Why staff is conscious of this and keeps a quiet watch, looking for imperceptible evidence.
Moreover, regular workshops are held for staff and children and ‘good touch’ ‘bad touch’ is an intrinsic part of our curriculum.
We have sadly had some cases. They are far and few between but in the case of a child, one is too many!
A child rights activist rightly said that “Stringent punishment provisions are not just enough. The changing social fabric needs to be studied to take appropriate measures to make systemic changes.” This is long haul. Till then we need to keep our children safe.
Our dearest friend Kabir of Azure Hospitality conjured another miracle. This time an invitation to a ‘posh’ lunch at the new Mamagoto in Connaught Place. For many of us lunch at a restaurant is a mundane affair. This is another story.
Most of the invitees had never been to a restaurant of this kind. Most of them probably never tasted high quality asian cuisine- a far cry from the chow mien or momos now available at every street corner. Many of them had never entered a restaurant of this class.
But the Project Why team team is to the manor born and no one would have guessed that this was a first!
The invitation was for 20 guests so students and teachers from each centre were selected. Every one was beautifully turned out and tasted new foods with enthusiasm. It was a merry party that lunched a the new Mamagoto on that sizzling day.
But all good things come to an end and so did that lunch.
To say that this is a memory that they will carry on their hearts forever is an understatement.
Two of the guests voiced their feelings.
One said this was probably the first and last enjoyable moment of his life.
The other simply said that this lunch was the happiest moment of her existence.
It is touching and humbling to see how an occurrence we take for granted gives such joy to those who rarely experience it.
Today we would like to walk down memory lane and talk of all the visitors we have had over the years. In most cases they return more than once. That is the magic of Project Why: once you walk in you leave a little bit of yourself and take a little bit of us.
We have many kinds of visitors, some who have become die-hard supporters and who make it a point to visit regularly. There are even Project Why tours organised by them! The best way to see how time has passed is to peruse the pictures and look at the children grow.
They are of all ages and come from across the globe. A bunch of Cub Scouts from the American school decide to help their Okhla friends paint their school, a group of girls from the American school in Beirut came visiting too. An octogenarian from Australia came to share Mahatma Gandhi’s message.
They come and spend time with children not shying from dirtying their hands. They serve meals to the children at the Yamuna centre and even give pedicures to special kids!
They come bearing gifts or ready to get us what is needed. They respond to our appeals be it for state-of-the-art hearing aids or a roof that needs to be made.
One of the most touching group of visitors were students with special needs from France who came to meet their Indian friends. That day doors and lanes seemed to have grown large enough to welcome the elaborate wheel chairs. It was a magical moment when no language was needed to convey what was felt. Everyone danced and laughed to their heart’s content. Invitations were made and for an instant, one believed that Project Why’s special kids could maybe visit their French friends till reality struck: given the circumstances our kids would never get a passport. But one can dream and who knows? Dreams do come true.
Over the years, we have been privileged and blessed to have so many people come to Project and leave as friends forever. Those who cannot come back remain in touch and in our hearts forever.
Please do read the links in this post. They are precious memories
The Numbers Perspective! Sounds like a title of a Robert Ludlum thriller doesn’t it? Come to think of it is is a thriller in its own right: the numbers referred to are the (ill)famed marks that a student secures in her or his class XII examination. They will the chart the child’s entire future.
The dreaded results are out and once again we are caught in the dilemma of whether to celebrate or not. The topper this year got a whopping 99.04 % with 100% in two subjects. Just like Project Why children, she is from Delhi but that is where the comparison ends. According to her dad the reason behind her success is that she did not miss a single class and has not taken a single holiday for TWO YEARS not to forget intensive coaching and a supportive family. And that is not all, the candidate she beat by 0.1 % candidly admitted on TV that she had learned every line of every school book by heart!
Project Why children too have cleared their Boards with success, with the top percentage being Kapil with his whopping 92%! That is a real feat when you live in a tiny hovel, have a drunk parent who disrupts your studying, a TV blaring around you, only 2 short hours at Project Why in the name of coaching and illiterate parents who rather than supporting your efforts tend to undermine them. In these circumstances the 92 % beats the highest of marks. So we at Project Why are celebrating big time!
Nevertheless we cannot ignore the reality that stares at us. With 99.04% as the benchmark, the cut off marks for admission in State run and thus affordable universities will hit the sky and children from Project Why will not make the cut. Though there are some seats reserved for sports and creative pursuits, once again our children miss the opportunity as their schools and families cannot help them excel. Private universities are unaffordable and so the options are few: evening classes or distance learning. In most cases they need to work to pay for their studies. Two of our old students teach at Project Why so that they can continue their studies.
This was not always the case. One upon a time, and yes it does sound like a fairy tale now, toppers were in the sixty percentile. What that meant was that the difference between the topper and the student with the lowest marks would be about 30+%. Today the pass percentage of 33% remains unchanged so the difference becomes a whopping 66%. There is something terribly wrong.
Exams earlier had questions that demanded reasoning and thinking like the dreaded precis in English and numerous essay type questions in other subjects. Getting 100% was quasi impossible. Over the years the evaluation yardstick changed and the result was that children belonging to underprivileged homes quietly dropped out of the net of higher education.
This is a worrying situation as many students who are thus denied the opportunity to study could have accessed avenues now closed to them and excelled. It is time decision makers looked at this problem seriously otherwise education for all becomes devoid of meaning.
To put things in a different perspective the topper of the prestigious IAS (Indian Administrative Service) was declared last week. The topper 52.49 %.
