Allow children to be happy

by Anuradha Bakshi | Jul 1, 2009 | God of lesser beings

Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find wrote Samuel Johnson. All gloomy thoughts and worries that had been plaguing me for quite some time lifted in an instant when I saw this picture. I had to stop, get off my dark clouds and celebrate life, at least for the time it took to write this blog.

The picture shows Utpal and Mehar spending some wet moments at an amusement park where they had been taken last week. For a big chunk of the day they decided to call the shots and find their own way of being happy. For a big chunk of the day ugly scars on the body and the soul were cast aside and they were just children having a ball.

For the past six weeks Utpal and Mehar have been housemates at the women centre. Utpal because it was his summer holidays and his mom is again in rehab, and Meher because she is in the midst of complex reconstructive plastic surgery and needed to be kept in a clean environment. And moreover her mum is in the village having another baby. For the past six weeks they have shared every single moment and comforted and cared for each other. Like all children they have also fought and sulked.

Utpal and Meher are soul mates. They are bonded by a similar ordeal they both suffered at a very tender age. They are both third degree burns survivors. Today they carry their scars with courage and grit but have to sometimes bear the hurt of being ogled and laughed at. Utpal more than Meher as boarding schools can sometimes be ruthless. Little Meher wears her new look with her three huge expanders with great aplomb. To us she looks like an adorable real life ET! Utpal the big brother is always at her side to defend her if needed. But at the water park, for a few blissful moments, all was forgotten: the scars, the blemishes and the balloon like expanders. They were just two children having the time of their lives. And boy they did!

The picture made me smile for a long time. Even after I had seen it and shut the computer, I carried it in my heart the whole day and every time I thought of it I could not repress the smile on my face. It also set me thinking at the God of lesser beings and his strange and mysterious ways. Here were two kids who should have never met. They belonged to different faiths, different regions, different roots. What brought them together was a terrible ordeal one would not wish to its worst enemy and yet that is exactly what would change their morrows for the better. Is this God’s way of creating miracles or transforming lives? I do not know. But one has to admit that it is nothing short of extraordinary. Chapeau bas!

The champagne bottle

by Anuradha Bakshi | Jun 8, 2009 | God of lesser beings

It stands forlorn on a table. It had been bought with much hope and expectation to celebrate an event many of us had prayed for: the departure of a little boy to another land with brand new parents. But that was not to be as once again the life of a child got irremediably caught in the web of adult egos.

Let me tell you the story of a little boy now 4, who landed in our lives when he was just two weeks old. Born out of wedlock to parents of different faith he faced a grim future in a land where such children are branded for life. We thought that perhaps he would have a better morrow were he to be adopted and taken away to another land where labels and branding do not matter. Everything seemed to be working in the right direction as suitable parents were found and all seemed to be on track. The legal process was initiated and the doting parents-to-be made umpteen visits to India to shower love on the little boy.

We watched him grow, cut his first tooth, utter his first word, take his first step as he was a student of our creche. When the parents-to-be were in town, he slept in my home and was smothered with affection and gifts. Then what went wrong? Everything! The legal case took longer than expected and the child changed from a cuddly baby to a little boy with his own character and temperament. And by the time the case finally concluded in favour of the adoptive parents, a lot had changed. The parents had adopted another baby in their own land. And our little boy still needed a passport to leave his birth land and join his new family.

All of us believed that obtaining a passport was just a matter of time. But to our utter dismay we soon found that there was still a lot of red tape to be faced and egos to be appeased. The adoption agency refused to give the required clearance in spite of a court order. And as is always the case, no one was willing to give anything in writing. The would be parents lost interest and the little boy’s future was again in jeopardy. The celebration was not to be and the champagne bottle stood unopened, a grim reminder of a battle sadly lost.

In hindsight it is maybe all for the best. Next year we hope to be able to send the little boy to boarding school, thus ensuring that he gets what is needed to change his life for the better: a sound education. Perhaps it was the God of lesser beings operating in his own inimitable way! But one wonders how many children have their lives truncated because of inexplicable bureaucratic procedures and imbroglios.

sponsor a child

by Anuradha Bakshi | May 14, 2009 | God of lesser beings

Sponsoring a child is quite a favourite with NGOs the world over. Large ads in all shades of media soliciting you to become a sponsor are more than abundant. For a few pennies, you are told, you can change the life of a child. I do not know why but I never warmed up to the idea. In days when I was myself a donor, I never sponsored a child. I preferred giving to organisations that I felt were doing good work. I cannot say why, but sponsoring a child was almost anathema.

Years went by and I found myself on the other side of the fence. I was the one needing donors. My bête noire remained and we never went the sponsorship way. I was even vindicated when I visited an orphanage and saw sponsored kids with their Superhero school bags almost ostracised by their peers who only had dull cloth bags. Whenever anyone suggested we go the sponsorship way, I resisted vehemently proffering a litany of reasons against the very thought.

Never say never is a maxim that is always proved true and is not necessity the mother of all inventions? And above all are not the morrows of my children far more important than any quirk of mine? When our little foster care kids were left high and dry by a potential benefactor, the only road we could walk was the sponsorship one. And then when we were recently faced with a huge hole in our budget and had to face the aftermath of recession, the sponsorship issue came up again. Many felt that this was an option that would endure all economic mishaps.

After much deliberations and thought we decided to launch a sponsorship programme, whereby we requested donors to sponsor not one specific child, but children within a group. For a fixed amount of money you would sponsor one special child, or two crèche children or 4 school going children. We at pwhy, would have a blog that would keep the sponsor abreast with everything that was going on. The programme was launched recently and we are still waiting to see whether it would bring the fruits expected. I pray it does.

For me personally it has been another milestone. I look at it as yet another test thrown my way by the God of Lesser Beings to see how far I would go to protect the smiles I hold in custody.

the key to her morrows

by Anuradha Bakshi | Mar 31, 2009 | God of lesser beings

The scars on this beautiful face will soon be things of the past. Today a 10 am, little Meher will be admitted in s swanky hospital under the care of a top plastic surgeon and tomorrow will begin a series of complex procedures all aiming at rebuilding her scalded face and her maimed hands. To me she has always been beautiful and I feel in love with her indomitable spirit the moment I lay my eyes on her. It was also when I hurriedly mouthed a prayer to my friend the God of Lesser Beings seeking a miracle.

As always he heard my plea and the rest his history. He sent his messenger: Nina a warm hearted volunteer who crusaded for Meher with rare passion. A beautiful complex network was set in motion, and soon the miracle became reality. Meher is on her way to recovery. Once again, just as he had a few years ago, the God of lesser beings had decided to set things right. If all goes well little Meher will next year join the band of pwhy kids in boarding school.

When I sought a miracle for Meher, it did not stop at getting her reconstructive surgery as that alone would not secure her future. To me what was more important than her face was her hands as they held the key to her morrows. If Meher was to break the circle of poverty in which she was born, she had to be given a sound education and for that she had to regain the use of her hands. Armed with a good education the world could and would be hers. Without that she would simply follow in the footsteps of her mother and probably be married off as soon as feasible.

I have always been weary of half hearted attempts at helping others. I have always felt that often these are done for all the wrong reasons. Reaching out to another is a complex and delicate operation. Often it can do more harm than good if one is not careful. If you cannot go all the way then it of often better and wiser to leave things as they are, rather than create ripples that can go out of hand. It is undoubtedly very gratifying and uplifting to reach out to someone in need, but before handing out the help sought one has to look at the long term implications and see whether one has the strength to go all the way.