by Anuradha Bakshi | Jan 16, 2006 | girl child
Gary handed me over a CD with pictures taken during Babli’s angiography. Gary specialises in medical photography, and one would expected a series of ‘scientific snapshots’. What enfolded as I saw the pictures was the poignant tale of a scared lonely child and the disturbing lack of concern of a father..
I will let the pictures tell their story..
This is the child that was left to ‘die’ as she was a girl.. maybe the old uncaring father feels that all this is a big waste…
by Anuradha Bakshi | Nov 4, 2005 | girl child
“doctor bolta hai operation karna hai aur paisa ka intezam karlo.. ” (the doctor says I have to be operated upon and that we should get the money organised) said little babli in her shrill and matter of fact voice as she clutched sister arzoo in a maternal hug..
these words spoken by this little chit of a girl for whom even the simple act of breathing is an effort, sums up the attitude I would like to instill into everyone at project why..
Some kid… she is not scared , she just wants this operation out of the way so that she can get on with her life, and her dreams..
babli wants to study and become a ‘police’ as she says it. wonder why?
for a long time this brave child lived with the fear of dying but that did not stop her from living, and though she has great difficulty in breathing, she takes on life head on…
what is endearing and remarkable in this little woman of susbtance is her ability to recognise opportunities and seize them. as the family is extremely poor with just her mom earning, they had to move home each time the landlord wanted to up the rent, and so she never went to school.
When she landed on planet why, she took to her studies like a fish to water, her teacher is amazed at the speed at which she learns.. she went through all the pre-op tests with a smile and never complained.. even when she told us that her brother got a better deal at home, there was no biterness or envy, she just accepted this as a reality she could not change..
Life has not been kind to babli and yet babli has no complaints; she is grateful for what she has, and has the ability to make the best out of everything, however insignificant..
It is time for life to make up to her!
Note: babli will soon be operated upon. all pre-op tests have been done. we are waiting for the date. if all goes well, babli will reintegrate mainstream education in march 2006.
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 11, 2005 | girl child
why am i being worshiped today?
asks a bewildered little girl.. and she has good resaons to pose that question, as on all other 364 days she is never treated like this..
today is ashtami the eight day of Durga Puja.. today the very people who wish for a boy, are willing to abort a female foetus with impunity, curse the existence of their daughters and the burden they are, those very people will seek eight little girls or kanjanks, bring them to their home and treat them like goddesses..
even at project why most of the girls did not come and were seen scurrying from one home to another, to be ‘worshiped’ and feted. but tomorrow will come, a tomorrow when things will go back to normal: the same little girls will once again bear to the burden of being a girl!
It is strange that a land where Godesses are worshiped and prayed to, girls and women find no place… is also one where their very being is a matter of sorrow, where one who does not bear sons is riled , no matter how educated you are… where even law of genetics are reinterpreted..
I was asked by a western friend about the ‘missing girl syndrome‘. I guess the chilling scene of a female newborn being drowned in a vat of milk in the film matrubhoomi has had its impact..
I guess such a reality shocks but then does one think about the other one: the life of the girl child who is never made to forget that she is unwanted.. everyday we see this in subtle forms: she is never given the same care as her male sibling be it food or medical attention; she is rarely taken to the fair or even if she is, only her brother gets the ride or the special treat; she is ladden with housechores at an age where she should be playing with her brother; she is the one whose school fees money is often not found thus leading to her droping out.. she is babli who is left to die as she has a hole in her heart and repairing it would cost money…
and as she grows into becoming a young woman she also becomes the repository of the family’s honour while her brother can go on chasing girls.. she is then married off to someone she has never met, someone who will treat her the same way: as an object to be used, misused and abused..
she will come of her own one day maybe, as a mother in law.. but by that time bitterness and hurt would have taken possession of her, making her the one to accuse her own daughter-in-law of giving birth to a girl child so that the pattern continues with no possible escape..
so now you understand the chilling question of the little girl who wonders why she is being worshiped today…
by Anuradha Bakshi | Oct 7, 2005 | girl child, utpal
When your teen age daughter or mine gets angry, or upset, or has a fight with the family.. she bangs the door of her room, pops up the volume and waits for one of us to come by.. and make things right
when Durga has a fight she leaves home, wanders dark unsafe streets and lands up at the remand home..
Yet they are both children of India, both have parents and families… so why the difference..
Durga is our little mr popples a.ka. Utpal’s half sister..
Durga was born of the loveless union of a young girl married off to an older man ; it was later found out he was already married.. The young mother was left alone with a child who from the moment of her birth had become an impediment.. She later found another man who promised to take her away from the dreary small village lost somewhere in Bengal and take her to the big city… but he did not want Durga..
Durga grew up in the care of her granny, a free and rebellious child who never found answers for all the questions that she encountered.. granny loved her in her own way but was too old to instill any discipline or order in Durga’s existence.. sometimes an almost unknown mom use to come, ladden with gifts and stories, but left too soon to answer any of the now disturbing questions..
Two years back she even heard about the terrible accident her half brother had.. but what could she do.. then a few months back, as she entered her 12th year granny died and her uncle brought her to delhi… she met her new ‘dad’ and her little endearing half brother.. and above all city life.. where your world is a tiny airless room..
Gone were the fields where you could run, the small vilage where everyone knew you and you felt safe.. this was a whole new ball game and no one had taught her the rules.. and above she had to get used to mom, who was a far cry from the nice smiling woman who had appeared and dispappeared..
So the battle of wits began: each one tried her best, but so much time had passed.. sometimes there was violence, particularly on nights when dad brought a bottle.. she discovered another side of her mom, one that did not fit any of the images she had conjured till now..
One night the fight was too much to bear and Durga ran away.. the parents too drunk to know what had actuatlly happened did not realise her flight till the next day.. by that time Durga had been found by the police patrol and sent to the remand home for children.. a lovely hurting child who had committed no crime.. she was just trying to cope with life..
The police came, the social workers came, the mother was made to feel guilty.. little Durga felt a misplaced sense of importance and declared she did not want to come home but wanted to go with the ‘ladies’!
Days passed and Durga’s family just got on with the task of existing.. I guess the mom felt that she was safe and anyway the Nirmal Chayya institution was near Tihar jail.. miles away..
I had made a mental note of trying to find out about Durga but I must confess that I did not.. a phone call from a kind hearted social officer jolted me back to reality.. she wanted Jhunnu to come and meet her daughter… I decided to go along because I knew inside me that the mother and daughter had to get reunited..
I will not go into the details of the harrowing experience of dealing with the juvenile justice department and the Children’s court.. but simply say that maybe they should walk urban slum streets and get in touch with the real world.. where children become adults and priorities do not obey the law of western child psychology..
All praise to Sapna and her kind heart as she guided me through this unknown world as she more than anyone else understood that Durga had to be rescued from this place and taken home..
It took all the patience I had to answer the incomprehensible and absurd questions thrown at me by people who did not even bother to look in the eye..
Durga was finally released under my supervision and has come home to her loving family, who maybe does not love the way we would imagine, but nevertheless do!
Now mother and daughter have to make up for lost time under the supervision of Utpal whose joy knows no bounds at being reunited with his sibling…
by Anuradha Bakshi | Sep 6, 2005 | girl child
dear child…
they said you would see the light on September 3rd..
September 3rd passed and so did the 4th, and the 5th.. On September 6th your mother was in pain and everyone thought the day had come for you to land in this world..
your family had waited for you, your mama had carried you with love and great dignity, your papa never showed his feelings but believe me he wanted you so much, your little sister waited for her baby.. and your aunt did everything she could to make your entry into this world the best posible.. and there were many of us who already loved you…
I must confess that many wanted you to be a boy… some said it loud and clear, others in muted ways.. to many, little girls are a burden… in a society where there is less and less respect for women people have forgotten that we women are the life bearers… some of us wanted you to be a girl, your mama for one, maybe she knew you were just that…
You grew up inside your mama’s womb and met all the appointments with the doctor who pronounced you fit and healthy.. then child what made you decide not to keep your tryst with our world, what is it that led you to give up life itself… without even ‘tasting’ it..
Maybe we forget that from the comfort and safety of ones’ mother’s womb, a child sees and hears and understands.. perhaps it is what you saw that made you refuse life itself.. the lack of respect for each other, the fights, the anger, the unfairness, the tears, … and quite frankly child, somewhere I understand you… maybe you heard even those who wanted you to be a girl say that they wished you were a boy finding all kind of reasons to explain that…they forgot that it is nature who decides, nature that has to make up for all the little girls that were done away with… and you too were a little girl, nothing could change that..
Perhaps you also knew that the moment you would enter our world, you would lose your independance and freedom to decide, and that you would have to abide by laws made by a society ruled by men and that your life would never be your own…
Who are you: a statistic in the records of the hospital, a pain in the heart of many that will slowly fade away, a regret, a topic of discussions with its share of ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’… I do not know..
To me you are the little girl who refused to be born in a world that she felt was not worthy of her… a child who took her one and only independant decision..
And we abide by it…
Bless you, wherever you are…
Kiran’s little sister, Rani’s little niece was still born on September 6th 2005…
by Anuradha Bakshi | Aug 13, 2005 | girl child, lohars, manu
project why.. where children dare to dream..
were the words that came instinctively to my mind when I designed the first project why brochure. they have remained there, unnoticed… but somehow quietly guiding us in our task…
when our friends from Japan decided to celebrate the Tanabata festival at project why, even though it was a bit delayed, we were thrilled, as this was a great step in our ‘exchange’ programme with Japan.
Nauko and her formidable gang of lovely ladies came with huge bamboo stems and every child wrote his or her wish on a little piece of colourful paper that would be tied on the stems…
I decided to give a set to the special section.. and they too wrote their wishes :
Umesh, our spastic child who can barely walk wants to fly an areoplane,
Preeti who is not loved by anyone wants to be a mother
Soni who is always in love wants to dance with Salman Khan
Anurag locked in his autism wants to drive a car
Shalini our down syndrome girl wants to be a doctor
Pinki who has severe retardation wants to be a police woman
Ruchi who suffers from a severe nervous condition wants to be a teacher
Manu, yes our very own Manu wants to be a monitor
Rajni our lohar mental retarded child simply wants to eat delicious food ..
Read these dreams again as they are a true reflection of the lonely lives of these kids.
yes they have dreams, the very children we feel uncomfortable with, the children that are cast aside by their own family, those who do not even get proper food let alone love.. they have dreams..
In the five years that project why has been in existence, this is the first time I felt I had achieved something… yes planet why is a place where all children can dare to dream..
