The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her. How true are these words. Twenty one years ago I had a mother. Twenty one years ago I was still a child. You wonder what I mean. Well simply that I had a place to run to when I was hurt, confused, lost, anguished, distressed, angry or just simply lonely. I just had to sit at her feet and put my head on her lap and every problem vanished. She was there to wipe my first tear, break my first fall, assuage my first failure, soothe my first heartbreak. Even when hundreds and thousands miles separated us, I felt her presence. It is true that she shared all my sorrows and it was her lap I gravitated to each and every time life dealt me a blow. I do not truly know if she was there for every moment of joy, but every sorrow was wept with her. The first one I had to face alone was her demise, no wonder I am still not truly healed.
Those who say that your true entry into adulthood happens when you become an orphan are right. That is when you become truly bereft of protection. The child in you vanishes and you are suddenly responsible for every deed and action. There is no one to take they blows for you, you stand terribly alone.
Since she left, I have missed Kamala each and every day but never more than when faced with a problem or a challenge. Today I miss her big time as I see my inadequacy in finding a befitting end to my swansong. Were she here she would have steered me in the right direction and led me out of the dark tunnel I find myself in. Saying that I miss her is stating the obvious. Leaning to live without her has been one of the hardest things I have had to do. Each time I think I am healed an anodyne incident brings me back to earth and to the realisation that I can never stop missing her. It can be a whiff of the redolent fragrance of the jasmine she planted or the flavour of one of her favourite meal and in a perfect example of Proustian involuntary memory I find myself missing her till it hurts.
Today she would have been 94. On this day I share once again the wonderful portrait made by my friend Abhi. Happy birthday Kamala, you were truly unique.
I am livid. It all began with an seemingly innocuous visit to the house of the local RWA President to discuss a simple matter: the opening of a wicket gate. The colony has several gates which are closed to block traffic, but normally wicket gates are left open to facilitate pedestrian movement. The gate in question is the one normally used by Agastya my grandson to go to the park every evening. However for the past weeks it has been closed. The option is a detour and access through a main road with dense dangerous traffic. Needless to say this was unacceptable to dotty grandparents. When we enquired with the local guard we were told that the gate had been closed on express instructions of the President and there was no way he could open it unless instructed by the elusive President.
We were a little peeved as we have been living in this colony for the past 40 years and my father was a founder member but we decided we would go and meet the President and were confident that the matter would be solved amicably. It was only about opening a small wicket gate. We would soon discover how wrong we were.
We landed at the President’s house and rung the bell. The door was opened by a servant who informed us that Sahib was home. We were taken to a swanky drawing room replete with opulent ware that reeked money. We sat at the edge of our chairs and waited for our host. He appeared a few minutes later, also larger than life. He was full of himself and took the offensive by asking us why we were not regulars at the society meetings. We parried the question and the husband went straight to the point: the opening of the gate as it was unsafe for Agastya to take the main road on his tricycle. A gentle banter ensued for some time. I do not know when the mood changed and things went out of hand. But what had begun as a small matter suddenly changed into yet another tale of two Indias.
The conversation that had begun over a gate being opened or closed and the safety of a little 2 year old on his tricycle on a busy road changed complexion. It transpired in the course of conversation that the said gate was now shut to keep the other India at bay. Allow me a small aside to explain the situation. The colony has three main gates. Two of them are located near two main roads and if opened would allow cross traffic. They both have wicket gates that allow pedestrians a short cut to the main road. These are now shut. Wonder why? Well because according to the likes of our President they would be used by simple (read poor) people and become a security risk as these people are potential thieves and kidnappers. The President who assumed a different persona suddenly became the defender of the rights of the rich. One heard inanities like: what if one of the rag pickers kidnapped a resident’s grandson, or stole from a house. It all seemed very far fetched. The risk of a child being run over by a speeding car was real, the one of a child being kidnapped by a rag picker seemed a tad unrealistic.
I was taken a back but not surprised as I had been privy to such reactions for many years now. The mistrust the rich have for the poor can be surreptitious or blatant but it is always there and to me it is always galling. We are a fractured society in more ways than one. I remember how devastated I was when walls were being build around slums a couple of years ago. And the heated debate on the opening or closing of a wicket gate was just that: another wall! Walls always existed. They could be invisible but were always impregnable. I knew it was a lost battle. The husband though was unaware of this and carried on his spiel. I tried to get his attention to make him stop and finally had to intervene and put an end to what was becoming an ugly situation. The battle was uneven: one child against all the poor!
We walked home in uneasy silence. The husband was still fuming and fretting and I was lost in my thoughts. All the similar instances I had experienced over the years flashed in my mind: the irate women trying to tell me that boarding schools were not meant for poor children; the late night call by an inebriated person insisting that large sums of money should not be spent for operating a poor child; the upmarket ladies trying to convince me that broken toys were good enough for poor children; the absolute refusal of the idea of a common school as the thought of my child sitting next to my driver’s kid was abhorring . The list is endless but the message one: the poor are not worthy and cannot be trusted. And as the rich get richer the mistrust gets deeper. There seems to be no end in view. How will the gates of contention ever be removed I wonder.
The next day quite by chance I met a friend who is also an old resident of our colony. Needless to say I was quick to share my story. She was not surprised at all. Apparently over the years the social profile of the colony residents had changed. What was once was a colony of retired civil servants had now become populated by a new breed: the new rich of our city! Old homes had been brought down and transformed into swanky flats and bought by people with newly acquired wealth. They also came with their own black and white view of the world where every poor was to be viewed with extreme suspicion and guarded against. Hence gates and security guards and gadgets and inane logic.
Who are the poor that are so mistrusted. Often people who are an intrinsic part of our lives even if they remain invisible to us. They each are part of the life of the city we live in. Just try and imagine the city without them and guess whose life gets affected? Not theirs but ours. I am referring to the cobbler, the rag picker, the construction worker, the plumber, the electrician and so on. It seems our new breed of rich seem to judge the book by its cover. What really irks me is the fact that we are willing to trust our lives in the hands of such people – our cook, our driver, our nanny, our maid – but they are also the first ones we accuse should a penny be misplaced in our homes. True that there are been some terrible instances of crime by those who work for us, but these are few compared to the many who work in our homes. And talking of crimes are the rich and famous blameless. Far from that if we are to go by the myriad of instances of corruption big and small. How do we protect ourselves from them? There are no gates to keep them at bay.
Maybe the rime has come to try and build bridges instead of gates. But who will be he first one to place the first stone. I wonder.
Last month little Radha had a bad fall. It took the doctors almost a month to set things right and put a proper cast on her fractured leg. For a month Radha had to make several visits to the hospital. For a month Radha stayed in her damp and dark home waiting for the day she could come back to the project. Yesterday she was back to the delight of all her pals and teachers. She at once got down to task and started painting the Diwali diyas with utmost attention. She loves painting and is extremely creative in her designs. We were all so glad to have her back. The class looked whole again.
As I watched her I once again realised how much we need planet why to happen. Children like Radha need a safe and secure place where they can live and laugh. Soon winter will set in. Last year when it did, Radha came to live at our foster care and thus spent winter in warmth and safety. You cannot begin to imagine what winter is like in her home. The place gets damp and cold seeps from the earthen floor and dampens the thin mattress. For rather and her broken bones it is pure hell. Se writhes in pain and discomfort. Last year she escaped winter but this year as our foster care had to be closed for want of resources and staff there is nothing we can do to help her. She will have to suffer in silence as she always does. It is heart wrenching to watch her. One just feels so helpless and small.
When planet why was first conceived in my mind it was for the likes of Radha, children born with challenging ailments in poor homes that cannot give them the basic care they need. Planet why was first and foremost to be a haven for such souls, a place where they could live a full life with dignity and care. But as I write these words I know that planet why may not happen and my silent commitment to these souls may remain unfulfilled. I must admit I am not proud of myself and wonder whether I did give it my best. Somehow I feel inadequate. All I can do is pray for a miracle and hope the God of lesser beings is listening.
There are no orders this year said a crestfallen Shamika after once again checking her email. She was referring to the hand painted diyas (lamps) her special kids make each year for Diwali. Her dejected look was too much to take, I am a Mom after all. I had to do something as I too felt downcast.
The diyas she was talking about were not just simple earthern lamps. They were true labour of a very special kind of love, the kind you are lucky to receive. My eyes fell on the little red lamp with yellow dots that sits on my desk for the past two years. This lamp was painted by Manu the Diwali before he left us. It is the only gift I have from him and thus inestimable. When I look at it I feel incredibly worthy and loved and am reminded of all the wonderful moments Manu gave me. Manu is no more, but there are children like him who each year paint diyas in the hope that someone will buy them and make them feel cared for.
They wait every morning with expectant faces for Shamika to come and tell them that she has secured new orders. Imagine what they feel when the answer is a barely murmured no. The diyas are painted by children few believe in, as we tend to think of special kids as useless. But they are not! They too have dreams they want to pursue and feelings that get hurt even if they do not express them in like we do. The diyas in the picture have been painted by children who cannot speak, walk, hear, comprehend or use their hands the way we do. Yet every one participates in the task. Some simply paint the base whilst others decorate them. Even the tiny ones do their bit. But no matter what, each one puts their heart into it. With the money they earn they have a big party filed with fun and laughter and the feeling of having achieved something.
To you and me it is just a few rupees but for them it is their dignity and self-esteem. I cannot understand why there are no orders this year. Is it just that we have forgotten how to look with our hearts. Please make these wonderful children’s Diwali a happy one!
For orders call Shamika at 9811424877. God bless you all and a happy Diwali to you!
Yes you read right fifty thousand children dead in just one town in India, 376 this year alone. The culprit: encephalitis; the reason: the total collapse of the public health system in one of the poorest regions of our country. Once again we need to hang our heads in shame. Are we not the country that boasts of seven star medical facilities that attract a new breed of tourists from the world over. But how can we gloat over such facilities when we cannot look after our very own. Why was there never a national programme for eradication of encephalitis. Are 50 000 deaths not enough for the Government to take notice or is it that these deaths only affect the very poor. The affected State wrote to the Centre for vaccines. These never reached on time. It is once again the case of two Indias isn’t it? A local doctor who is fighting for the eradication of this disease and who fed up decided to write to the powers that be in his own blood received a wishy washy answer: creation of groups and bodies, setting up of an awareness campaign. The big question is will all this be implemented or will it be yet another way of lining pockets. It is sad but true one has lost faith in Government and administrations.
It took so many deaths for the media to wake up and ‘break’ the story. True the death of a poor child does not make good copy, you need numbers to attract TRPs. Have we become so insensitive and callous. The death of a single child is unacceptable. Yet in India children die everyday of malnutrition, of preventable diseases. In India 1.95 million children die every year, 5000 of them in our capital city. Even this figure does not make good media fodder. The unnatural death of a single child cannot be accepted and yet we close our eyes and look away. According to experts simple life-saving measures such as oral rehydration solutions, basic vaccinations, breastfeeding and using mosquito nets could bring down the dismal number by more than two thirds. These are cheap and eminently doable options and yet we remain cold, mute and unperturbed.
The medical facilities for the poor are abysmal across our country. In the capital the rich have access to the swankiest facilities possible provided they are willing to pay the hefty tag. Some hospitals will not admit you unless you dish out a substantial deposit. The poor have access to poorly run local dispensaries or the government hospital often located miles away. The former are free but of poor quality and the later also require no money but a huge investment in time and patience . The alternative is a visit to the local quack, often an erstwhile doctor’s assistant who doles out medicine of doubtful origin. The fees are affordable but the treatment contentious. It often works in normal cases as the illness is often self limiting. But in serious ones such treatment can be lethal. The other option open to a poor patient are the private doctors and hospitals. These come at a cost and often lead to borrowing at impossible interest rates and getting caught in the clutches of a dubious money lender. In the past decade we too have witnessed many preventable deaths of children. Yet nothing changes.
Will the new statistic be a wake up call or simply remain a statistic to be forgotten when some new sizzling news replaces it. Memory are short and come to think about it a few hundred poor children dying is soon forgotten. Have we simply forgotten how to look with our hearts.
The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her. How true are these words. Twenty one years ago I had a mother. Twenty one years ago I was still a child. You wonder what I mean. Well simply that I had a place to run to when I was hurt, confused, lost, anguished, distressed, angry or just simply lonely. I just had to sit at her feet and put my head on her lap and every problem vanished. She was there to wipe my first tear, break my first fall, assuage my first failure, soothe my first heartbreak. Even when hundreds and thousands miles separated us, I felt her presence. It is true that she shared all my sorrows and it was her lap I gravitated to each and every time life dealt me a blow. I do not truly know if she was there for every moment of joy, but every sorrow was wept with her. The first one I had to face alone was her demise, no wonder I am still not truly healed.
