by Anuradha Bakshi | May 12, 2006 | girl child, utpal
It will be mother’s day this month .. and everyone will celebrate it..
To me mother’s day has taken a new meaning this year, though I lost my mother almost 16 years ago.. Kamala was a beautiful woman and a woman of spirit.. she chose not to marry till India was independent, no slave child for her said she.. she married when she was 30!
She chose not to reveal she spoke English so that her only child growing so far away from her motherland could speak her mother tongue with ease.
She chose not take any medication and died of cancer in pain but as she said alive, as life for her was the most beautiful gift.
A small town girl who has to go on ‘repeated’ hunger strikes to get her father to accept that she studies she went on to get a PHD from Charles University in Prague.
The daughter of a nationalist whose childhood was spent applying ointment on her father’s band of freedom fighter’s bruised back, she went on the an ambassador’s wife.
A woman who loved her husband so much that she learnt French as a birthday gift for the man who so loved that language.
Yes she was a great woman and worthy of being celebrated..
But it is not this mother who taught me what a mother is.. the true meaning and importance of a mother was taught to me by a little boy who sleeps quietly in my home..
His mother has all the reasons not be loved: she drinks, she beats and hits him, she even entertains other men, lies, steals, forgets to cook, keeps a filthy home and even dropped him in a boiling cauldron… and yet this son never judged ner; he just loved her, forgave her and protected her in whatever way he could..
And when she finally agreed to get help, he let her go without a sigh.. and has had the utmost dignity never to mention her.. for the past three weeks he has been the perfect guest and made himself so small that one does not even know he is in our home, abiding by the ways of a life so different from his, as if we was to the manor born..
Utpal has taught me how important a mother is and how selfless and beautiful is the love a child has for the one that has given him life..
So on this mother’s day the only tribute I can give to motherhood is to secure this child’s future and to give him back a mother worthy of his love, one he can one day be proud of in front of the whole world, one that vindicates his love.. even if that means redefining my life
help me do so…
read more about utpal
where is the soap
as the snake waits in the wings
back to his hole
7 days on a planet
there is fish and rice
games adult play
boman, beauman, superman
rarely is love instant
there are no invitation card
gender bias
smile referred to
all gods angels
braveheart named utpal
when was love logical
games gods play
meri mummy
by Anuradha Bakshi | Apr 29, 2006 | utpal
I write today because I am a liittle perplexed..
When God or whoever else is up there, lands you with a child whom he has put through much emotional and physical pain, a child with both ugly visible and deep seated invisible scars, what does he want you to do..
Ease the physical pain – easily done – deal with the outward problems – easily done too., remove the immediate cause of injury and send them for repair.. and then what next..
Utpal’s presence in my home is far larger than I can fathom; it deals not only with the little problems of a little boy, but with larger issues, many concerning me.. It puts to test all that I stand for, and brings into my home something which till date remained out.. It proves that you do not juggle with two worlds without the risk of having them clash in the most unexpected way.. that you do not render lip service without the risk of it finding its way to your heart.. that in matter of so called ‘charity’, you cannot pontificate without accepting the challenge to act.. when you cannot bask in the kudos without being prepared to vindicate what you stand for in more ways than one
When Utpal lands in your life, you have to go all the way, and all the way is not just a matter of funds and finances and bills paid, but much more.. you enter a one way journey in a land you do not know and cannot imagine.. where you do not know what you may be asked to give up
What was tolerated by those close to you as a twilight years occupation well contained in a slot, suddenly threatens to change things around.. the face that till then sat quietly on a wall frozen in a frame now walks around your home..innocent and trusting.. asking for nothing but needing so much..
I wonder if this is the time when your God and the God of Lesser Ones get together to write a script for you, one you need to play to perfection if you still want to look at yourself in a mirror and not turn away.. a time when you are alone and have to do the right thing, even if the right thing means you having to walk solo..
This is a test of responsibility, one you have to win if you are to retain your self respect and be worthy of the love of others..
So bye bye plans, holidays and all else.. this is a time to prove who you are..to the one who matters..
Note: we are looking for a school for utpal, and we will then need all the support we can get to ensure that his future is secured
by Anuradha Bakshi | Apr 23, 2006 | utpal
In one night utpal lost all he had.. he did not have much by our standards but he had a home to go back to, and above all a mother whom he loved with almost illogical passion..
but when was love logical…
Over the last four years Utpal has taught us many things but most of all the meaning of dignified acceptance in the wake of any adversity: from excruciating pain that third degree burns bring, to the abject humiliation you suffer when those you love the most let you down..
Utpal somehow became our brand ambassador and our good luck charm, and epitomised the spirit of pwhy, one that does not give up.. or give in! He has walked into many hearts as he had so much love to share..
Last year when we needed a name for a fishing boat that was to be given to a small village in T Nadu, Utpal is the name we all thought of..
The child was a survivor, and brought hope and love wherever he went.. Little Buddha some called him, Sunshine Boy was what others said..
He loved his mom with rare passion.. I remember when he came home with me, at the strike of 5 pm, he would turn his little face upward and tell me : “mama pass jana hai” – want to go to mama..
Mama was a dark room, often smelling of alcohol and stale food, where he did not know whether he would be beaten or fed.. but mama was also the comfort only a mother can give..the fish and rice she sometimes made, the safety of her lap..
But then last month the father stole from his boss and the police came knocking and slowly his world came crashing.. Whereas moma has taken the first step to recovery and will be away for six months, the father fled with the few belongings they possessed leaving Utpal with nothing but his memories.. In one night Utpal lost all he had..
Today, the little boy whose smile has brought solace to so many, who has a boat named after him that bobs on the high sea bringing joy to many, has nowhere to go.
Utpal needs all of us to stand by him and make sure that he has a bright future..
read about utpal at these links
where is the soap
as the snake waits in the wings
back to his hole
7 days on a planet
there is fish and rice
games adult play
boman, beauman, superman
rarely is love instant
there are no invitation card
gender bias
smile referred to
all gods angels
braveheart named utpal
by Anuradha Bakshi | Apr 19, 2006 | utpal
He is just four.. or 48 months old.. not a big man.. but a true braveheart.. he just checked his mom into rehab and will not be seeing her for six weeks.. that is the rule..
His mom drinks.. and a woman that drinks is treated with utter disdain in slums where she is the object of snide reamarks, ridicule and abuse by men in search for a drinking companion.. alcohol in slums reminds you of the world of Zola: it is dark and destructive. It feeds itself on school fees, and rent money and leads to petty crime.. Utpal has seen it all.
His tryst with alcohol began when he fell into a boiling pan.. and suffered third degree burns when he was one.. then it was a litany of ugly scenes and beating, and as he grew older the shame and indignity that he could barely express..
His mom did try to fight it as best she could but to no avail.. we tried to help but the addiction was too far gone.. and the temptations many.. then came the last straw when his dad stole money and was hounded by the police night after night..
It was time to put a stop to the nightmare and after much searching we found a centre that had a home programme for women.. Children are intuitive and somehow Utpal felt that the long trip we all took across the city today would change his life… he laughed all the way and his joy was palpable and moving.. we were not prepared for mom signing in, and when she did decide to, to my heart missed a beat.. how would Utpal react.. well we were in for a surprise as he bid farewell to his mom with a smile and walked away his little head held high..
He is with us at home now and the picture you see was taken a short while back.. he knows he is safe but above all he knows his mom is safe..
by Anuradha Bakshi | Apr 18, 2006 | fostercare, utpal
When little Leila Fodil left her country in 1983 to seek medical care in France, all she and her family must have wished was for her to win her battle againts leukemia. When, in spite of the love and care of her foster family she lost that battle in 1985 , no one would have dreamt that little children her age living thousands of miles away would 21 years later come to know about her and have their own little school because of her!
Sorrow and loss often bring people down, but sometimes get transformed into beautiful acts of generosity and kindness that transcends language, frontiers and lands and gives true meaning to the word humane.
“All God’s angels come to us disguised” said James Russell Lowell. We just have to learn to recognise them.. little Leila Fodil was one such angel. Today pwhy will have a little home for its special children and tiny tots because Leila walked this earth.
As I write these words, I am overwhelmed by the realisation that for the last 6 years, many angels have come our way.. Manu who made pwhy happen and thus transformed the lives of so many, Utpal whose courage and sagacity has helped us walk that extra mile, Nanhe who has by his simple smile ensured that we never give up and help others like him… yes, there have been many angels that have quietly come into our lives and ensured that we set things right for our friend the God of Lesser Ones.. maybe that is his way of functioning in this day and age..
Athiti Dev Bhav (your guest maybe God) has now become a jaded tourism pitch, but if we look beyond the apparent meaning, this simple statement says it all.. angels will not wear wings or halos, they will drop by anytime and in unexpected ways.. Manu lived for many years shunned by all, yet no one would have thought that he would be the instrument for changing so many lives, Nanhe’s pain seems so unfair and yet his smile is the one that brought so many people together.. and the list goes on, in the aftermath of Leila’s loss, no one would have thought of all the smiles that would light up little faces the world over one day..!
Angel’s of our times are difficult of recognise.. it all goes back to looking with your heart as said the Fox to the little Prince . as more than creating miracles, they make you understand and rediscover yourself !
Planet why is blessed as it is a place where angels do not fear to tread!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Apr 1, 2006 | utpal
Shhh.. nanhe sleeps in the comfort of his home.. I know it looks more like a damp dungeon, but it is his haven as it is filled with the love of his little family..
Last week was a bad one as he had many fits and spent some night in the hospital ward, but he is back home as instinctively his mom felt he was safer here.. I went looking for the smile I so missed, but did not get it as he slept through our visit..
I asked to see the medecines he had ben given ans was a litle taken aback when I saw a panoply of vitamins, calcium etc and nothing to take care of his fits.. I asked to see his discharge slip, where ususally treatments are written, and OPD dates given.. my heart missed a beat when I just saw thes ewords: referred to rehab...
The puzle fell in place, I undesrtood what his brave mom menat when she said that she had brought him back because there was a high risk of infection in the ward, I understod the incomprehensible medication.. the docs had given up on nanhe.. he was not worth fighting for.. just as they had on utpal with the words : chance of survival – nil!
Strange that that very kid runs around today a true bundle of joy and mischief..
So nanhe is ours to tend to and care for, his smile has been referred to us for safe custody, and we will keep it safe for as long as friend God wants us to.. we have selfish reasons for that; nanhe’s smile is our ray of sunshine, his halting words are blessings from beyond and every breath he takes keeps us alive..
And then were we to forget it, his mom is there to calls us to order: she is now busy finding out whether an operaion by the Jaipur Foot team can help him walk… she has not given up, so how can we.
