by Anuradha Bakshi | Nov 1, 2006 | common school, girl child
My limousine had not come so I decided to spend some time in the creche where the big section – all between 4 and 5 – sat in a circle for its daily activity.
The past few weeks had been so hectic that I had barely found time to spend with the children as I was busy struggling to survive. But the breakdown of the three wheeler – ie my limo – allowed me that luxury. Once the children were settled and work handed out, I found myself staring at this little circle of around 15 kids and knew that there was something I could sense but not yet see!
It took me a few minutes to register what was disturbing be, till I felt hit by a bolt out of the blue: there were only 3 girls in the group!
It is true that the socio-economic profile of the early education group has always been different to the other sections. I guess that the presence of volunteers of all shades and hues and the fun and laughter that often emanates from this group made many slightly better families bring their children to us. This has been god sent to one like me as it was almost a precursor my dream of a common school as the solution to many problems in our country.
It is also true that the sex ratio of south Delhi is one of the worst – 784/1000 – but it is only today that I saw the chilling numbers it the very micro sample that is pwhy.
There are missing girls and we cannot afford to turn a blind eye. The importance and essential value of the girl child has to be restored in the minds of each and everyone.
by Anuradha Bakshi | Jul 14, 2006 | girl child
sandhya2000 – 2006 She tiptoed on to our planet quietly almost as if she wanted no one to notice her lest we let her walk into our hearts. She would slink softly behind her loud mother hiding her face lest you lost yourself in her huge melting eyes.. She would sit in a corner patiently waiting for us to finish whatever we were doing.. Sandhya knew she was a temporary guest.
Sandhya was what they call a blue or cyanotic baby, where the heart is malformed and the blood deprived of oxygen. Since 1944 a simple surgery called a BT Shunt can repair the damage. For sandhya’s family the cost was exorbitant, but friends pitched in and two days back she was operated upon. However she did not make it, and tiptoed back to her world this morning leaving us all bewildered and lost.
Sandhya is gone but leaves many questions that needs to be answered. I am not being cynical if I say that maybe God showed extreme kindness in taking little Sandhya away had also slight mental retardation making her future very bleak. In a country where a girl child is already a burden, one like Sandhya becomes a millstone. Moreover, Sandhya seemed to be unloved, even by her mother as was visible from the moment I set my eyes on them. Never did I see a maternal gesture, a caress, a tender word, something that wold bring hope and cheer to the forlorn child.. Sandhya was a lost case from day one..
Yet we tried, our little team who accompanied her every time she needed to go the hospital getting her a fruit juice or a biscuit and feeling rewarded by her tiny smile, and the doctors who never gave up till she decided to at 12 noon on July 14th.
So go little Sandhya, evening star, go and shine on a world where children like you are loved and cherished.. we did not deserve you
by Anuradha Bakshi | May 12, 2006 | girl child, utpal
It will be mother’s day this month .. and everyone will celebrate it..
To me mother’s day has taken a new meaning this year, though I lost my mother almost 16 years ago.. Kamala was a beautiful woman and a woman of spirit.. she chose not to marry till India was independent, no slave child for her said she.. she married when she was 30!
She chose not to reveal she spoke English so that her only child growing so far away from her motherland could speak her mother tongue with ease.
She chose not take any medication and died of cancer in pain but as she said alive, as life for her was the most beautiful gift.
A small town girl who has to go on ‘repeated’ hunger strikes to get her father to accept that she studies she went on to get a PHD from Charles University in Prague.
The daughter of a nationalist whose childhood was spent applying ointment on her father’s band of freedom fighter’s bruised back, she went on the an ambassador’s wife.
A woman who loved her husband so much that she learnt French as a birthday gift for the man who so loved that language.
Yes she was a great woman and worthy of being celebrated..
But it is not this mother who taught me what a mother is.. the true meaning and importance of a mother was taught to me by a little boy who sleeps quietly in my home..
His mother has all the reasons not be loved: she drinks, she beats and hits him, she even entertains other men, lies, steals, forgets to cook, keeps a filthy home and even dropped him in a boiling cauldron… and yet this son never judged ner; he just loved her, forgave her and protected her in whatever way he could..
And when she finally agreed to get help, he let her go without a sigh.. and has had the utmost dignity never to mention her.. for the past three weeks he has been the perfect guest and made himself so small that one does not even know he is in our home, abiding by the ways of a life so different from his, as if we was to the manor born..
Utpal has taught me how important a mother is and how selfless and beautiful is the love a child has for the one that has given him life..
So on this mother’s day the only tribute I can give to motherhood is to secure this child’s future and to give him back a mother worthy of his love, one he can one day be proud of in front of the whole world, one that vindicates his love.. even if that means redefining my life
help me do so…
read more about utpal
where is the soap
as the snake waits in the wings
back to his hole
7 days on a planet
there is fish and rice
games adult play
boman, beauman, superman
rarely is love instant
there are no invitation card
gender bias
smile referred to
all gods angels
braveheart named utpal
when was love logical
games gods play
meri mummy
by Anuradha Bakshi | Mar 17, 2006 | girl child, utpal
Last week, it took me a lot of patience to convince a shopkeeper to give Utpal the kitchen set he wanted.. the shopkeeper tried as best he could to sell mr P a gun, or a car or anything that was for boys! but mr P knew his mind and he wanted the kitchen set to be able to play with his friend Kiran..
Wonder where gender bias begins.. right from childhood when adulst decide what you play with.. and yet pretend play is so important and many boys love imitating their mums and cooking or making tea.. we bought the kicthen set in spite of the glares..
Today was cooking class in the special section, an activity that I insist everyone participates in: so boys or girl all have their chore for the day and they love it. A a child with autism had a ball breaking the paneer – cottage cheese- as it was a soothing activity and one he connected with.. but he was quick to tell us that his mom would not allow him to do it at home.. we promised to talk to the mom but know that it will be no easy task..
These kind of mindsets are present at every nook and corner, and sometimes we do not even see them.. yet they have their effect and creates a divide between boys and girls.. one that can lead to terrible consequences.. So let boys cook if they want to..
by Anuradha Bakshi | Mar 10, 2006 | girl child
Sandhya landed up at hearfix hotel today.. a little 6 year old she needs heart surgery and her parents took all the initiatives and got her checked… something we are pleasantly surprised about as often parents give up, particularly when the child is a girl..
They tarvelled the now famous road to heartFix hotel, one that passes by all previous innmates under the benevolent guidance of my friend the God of lesser beings..
We now need to raise the 66 000 required! are you listening mr god
I hope that sandhya makes it as we were all sad to learn that it was too late for bright Nandini. Maybe when she is 40.. said the doctor .. 40 in a village in Bihar is when you are a grandmother.. I hope her family will understand that the best for her is to be able to study and get a job.. I fear they will marry her and she will have children.. and push her exhausted heart to the brink..
Nandini is condemned to a life where she will have to be careful, where breathing will be an uphill task, where she may not be able to do all she wants to.. but we must see that sandhya who is barely 6, gets a better chance in life
mr god of lesser beings are you listening..
by Anuradha Bakshi | Mar 9, 2006 | girl child
M is busy learning.. he is lost in his own world, and as serious about his work as any other child.. wonder what is going on in his little head..
If we look around us, it is difficult to predict what might happen to M, who belongs to a poor migrant labour family.. but let us give it a try:
He could become be the President of India, or an unemployed daily wage labourer.. or maybe something in between, let us say the equivalent of what would be in times to come the equivalent of a courrier boy.. as that seems to be a great favourite these days..
Along the way, he may dream of being a cricketer or a film hero.. as these seem to be the few role models left.. parents and teachers have lost the right to being those one aspires to emulate.. anger and frustration can make him want to be a cop or a politician.. but the wrong kind.. and then dreams fade as reality bites, and one takes on what one can get… an infernal spiral that makes you the part of the faceless crowd..
There are other possibilities, far grimmer ones, also fuelled by dreams – of a cellphone, a dazling bike a MP3 player, a credit card, and M could then be swayed by some extremist group and adopt wrong ways and find himself part of some misguided pack.
And even if M held on bravely and continued to learn he could be one of the kids who made this chilling headline in the national press this morning: Another exam suicide…the fourth this month.
Strange that the four children belonged to different social backgrounds from the rich upmarket child, to the poor slum kid, joined on the way by a middle class girl, all united in their fear of failing..
(to be continued..)
