by Anuradha Bakshi | Feb 28, 2007 | girl child, two indias
There is a little girl named Yashaswini! you can spot her in the front of this picture. She belongs to the side of the fence where everything works in your favour. She has smart educated parents, a place in a good school and everything a child needs to grow.
Saturday was a 4th birthday and she celebrated like she does every year with her very special friends: the special section of pwhy. Shalini and Manu, Umesh and Anuraag, Ruchi and Preeti and all the others. Some are over 20, others more her age but they are all different in some way or the other. Some cannot hear, others cannot talk, some can barely walk but come rain or storm they are all there with her every year.
Her mom decided some years back to give her a b’day with a difference. A day out at Delhi Haath with this motley group of children. It is time for a a ride to the place, a treat of their choice, a birthday cake and even a return gift. And then time to play like all kids do, before saying bye and see you next year.
Every one is dressed to a T though to the uninitiated it may not look to be. Even Manu who never wears shoes has donned a brand new pair. And they have played by the rules as they did not forget their gift: a nice cardboard house made by Rinky on which everyone signed!
I do not know what made Yashu‘s mom decide to bring the two Indias together for her child’s birthday but I salute her for that as I know that it is maybe one of the greatest gift she gave her child.
As they played blindman’s bluff all differences are forgotten; they are just what they are children having fun, never mind if some of them had to wait scores of years to reclaim their right to be a child.
This is a very precious moment, and only the very privileged can see its true meaning!
Happy Birthday Yashu!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Feb 27, 2007 | girl child, two indias
Yesterday a news item caught my attention in more ways than one. A Bombay couple had challenged the high court on the ban on gender choice. They wanted to chose the sex of their third child needless to see they wanted a boy.
According to this educated couple: In their opinion to have a male child in India is better, as they say the country is not socially or economically ready to accept a female child.
The same item reminded sotto voce that 2500 girl foetuses are aborted every day! This case raises a plethora of questions and may have far reaching consequences. It is not just one isolated case that concerns a well to do family with two daughters but one in which the respondents to the petitioner are all the unborn girls of India.
A wrong decision in this case may increase by quantum leaps the 2500 foetuses that die everyday. That the petition should come from an educated family is even more disquieting as it cuts the sails out of the uphill and often impossible task of trying to convince the larger population of the importance of the girl child in any society.
Furthermore a wrong cannot be made right just by numbers and absurd equations: you can chose the sex if you have one, two or x amount of daughters. It is evident that for that family getting the right sex entails taking on a formidable adversary – nature – and may result in killing many a girl foetus on the way.
Maybe the couple in question also forgot that their chosen child will one day need a wife! It is true that even among the well endowed a daughter-in-law is looked down upon if she cannot produce that male child, but one would expect young educated couples to be able rise above this. The fact that this couple chose to seek legal absolution for such a dastardly act is even more chilling.
I hope the court takes all this into consideration and pronounces a judgement that will once for all protect the already precarious condition of the girl child in India.
by Anuradha Bakshi | Feb 23, 2007 | girl child
When you think you have seen it all, and feel smug in the false notion that you have created the required roadmaps, in a land where women are dispensable you are least prepared for Act II of what you believed was a one Act play with a doable denouement!
Yesterday I watched little Manoj dance and even gave my self a tiny pat in the back as memories of him flashed in my mind. A phone call brought me back to reality as I was told that Manoj’s mom 7 months into a unwanted pregnancy had landed at home with a swollen face and broken lip. The abuser was none other than her husband.
An article I recently read caught my attention as the author stated: 0ften a girl is brainwashed from infancy.. and I guess she is right, but there comes a moment when all the brainwashing and conditioning pales under the ignobility of the abuse suffered. That day the battering of her over abused body was the last straw, and the tears that welled Manoj’s mom’s sunken and anemic eyes were ones of anger and rage.
The story withheld till now poured out in chilling words, and that story was not just hers but the story of many women in India. She was barely 16, when she was married to this man, by a widowed mother who had the use of only one arm and three younger children to bring up. She had no option but to agree to the road map set for her. The rest is predictable a child before she attains the age of 17, an alcoholic man who is more abuser than husband or father. A weak child who can barely walk or stand at 2, and an unwanted pregnancy that she is forbidden to abort by the one who owns her body and soul all this laced with brutal beatings that dot her life with obsessive regularity. Days where she and her child go hungry, when rent being not paid lead to changing rooms constantly till you find yourself in an airless hole. No home to go back to, no family no friends.
You get a job and you work with a smile so genuine that even the most sensitive does not see your pain. You hide the unwanted pregnancy from fear of losing your job till it shows and you are exposed! You still try and whitewash the abuser as you have been conditioned to do but then all that was possible when there was no love and support around you. But when you see someone is listening your crushed spirit hidden in the deep recesses of your soul decides to break all the carefully built walls and set itself free.
However what are your options in a land where a single woman let alone a single parent is anathema. Where with a small child an an unborn one you have nowhere to go and are not coward enough to end your life.
Manoj’s mom is not an individual case, it is the story of many women in a land where in spite of venerating Goddesses we have forgotten the Goddess that lies in the scarred soul of each woman. And I am not talking of poor women only.
We may be able to help Manoj’s mom but the question that arises is what do you for the millions others.
by Anuradha Bakshi | Feb 19, 2007 | girl child, two indias
My last post was a plea to ensure that existing social schemes function in this country. Imagine my utter dismay when a national daily carried an article spelling out a new initiative to fight foeticide and infanticide. This is of course after the little bones found buried near a Ratlam hospital.
The scheme aims at placing cradles in every district of India so that parents who don’t want a girl child can leave her to the care of the government. The Minister of social welfare was quoted saying: what we are saying to people is have your children but don’t kill them.. leave her to us.
I wonder how a responsible person can utter such words. The whole scheme is absurd and preposterous and would have a plethora of consequences that one cannot even begin to imagine at this moment. And I am not talking about the usual corruption and fund embezzlement.
First of all it does not address the main problem of foeticide which is the main reason for the warped sex ratio in our country. Then a scheme like this will encourage parents to abandon their baby girls even if they were in a position to rear them. We have come across families of a 9 children where the first 8 are girls! Were this scheme in place the first 8 would have been placed in the cradle.
We all know of the pathetic conditions that prevail in state run orphanages and children’s homes. Even in India’s capital city these are poorly run and overcrowded. The abandoned children are likely to suffer a worse plight than they would have in their homes. Bringing up a child requires much more than two meals a day and a bed to sleep in. A child needs love and emotional support and above all needs to be given answers about why she is in an orphanage and not with her family.
The reference by the Minister to creating a gene pool is extremely disturbing as it views these to be abandoned children as objects and not individuals. The Minister goes on to say that if the parents have a change of heart then they may take their children back, leaving the door wide open for parents to use the scheme to abdicate their duties. What is even more disquieting is that no one seems to give any importance to the psychological growth of the child who will be casted from side to side to suit the whim and fancies of irresponsible adults.
True that the figures are shocking – over 1 crore of foetuses disposed of in the last decade and a sex ratio of 821/1000 in Delhi – a solution that discards the role of the parent is inconceivable and is bound to lead to problems that may spin beyond control. The issue of the girl child has to be viewed in a different manner. She has to be reinstated as within the family and society through awareness campaigns and once again maybe by just ensuring that existing programmes are run honestly and in a realistic manner.
The government of the NCT has a programme whereby a sum of Rs 5000 is deposited in the name of a new born SC girl child to be encashed after the child has reached 18 years of age. Little Shivani is an SC child but we were unable to fill and file the required documents within the stipulated time of 90 days. However it is schemes like these that may secure a child a place in her family and not legalising washing one’s hand off them.
I will not even begin to address the social implications of such a scheme in a land where social origins are of prime importance. I will just say that a responsible government has to think about the long term consequences before shooting out absurd programmes, unless once again these are done to create one way to line greedy pockets.
by Anuradha Bakshi | Feb 16, 2007 | girl child
A recent post of mine which was a simple chapeau bas to true Indian led to a rabid diatribe on St V day and Indianess. The commentator says:.. this Indian identity includes, as an essential character, not celebrating a festival of the type that Valentines day really is.
I will not waste any one’s time in defending St V’s day but look at the deeper meaning of such a reaction which comes from an educated Indian. First of all I wonder whether an issue like V day deserves all the attention it gets, when there are so many ills that plague this country and need to be addressed by any self respecting Indian. To name just one we are a land where millions of children sleep hungry while thousands of others waste food.
It is sad to see that our politicians and law makers find time to waste their energy and time on such trivia where they could maybe for once forget their differences and address such basic issues like giving to every Indian child what was promised in our constitution.
Why can we not look at V day as one more day that will give the flower seller a few more rupees. And forget V day, over the years religious festivals too have been exploited – if that is the word one likes to chose – in a analogous manner. Many years ago rakhsa bhandhan or such festivals were celebrated without cards and fancy rakhis. I still remember when we use to make ours at home with a simple thread! Today everything is commercialised and there are even websites which allow you in-house pilgrimage and allow you to worship your God in the comfort of your home! So if there has to be a litany of protest let it be against everything that has been commercialised.
V day does not have to be simply viewed as a illicit boy-girl affair but can also be looked at as a day of acknowledging love in its wider form and that exactly what my post was about.
The Indians in India must retain their identity says the commentator and I agree. But our identity lies in celebrating our ability to accept and reach out, our ability to bridge the now frightening gap between the have and have nots, in our ability to celebrate tolerance and reach out to those in need.
Amit Bhaiyya did just that!
by Anuradha Bakshi | Feb 14, 2007 | girl child
Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it, says a quote. And yet everyone is talking about love today.
Markets are replete with hearts and flowers. Mobile networks are jammed as SMS’s are exchanged and love is in the air. The detractors are out too in the garb of religiosity having sadly forgotten that ours is the land where love has always been celebrated.
But love is not just a boy and girl affair as many may think. Love is the most beautiful gift man was given and is everywhere. I have found it in a child’s trusting eyes or a grubby hand proffering a half eaten sweetmeat. I have seen it in the eyes of a mother whose silent prayer has been answered, I have experienced it in the touch of the hand of a disabled child shunned by all.
Love is that fleeting moment when two spirits acknowledge each other is an invisible embrace, that unsaid work that remains stuck in the throat but reaches the eyes, that unshed tear that refuses to flow and moistens the eyes.
Love is everywhere, but needs you to look with your heart as it is often invisible to the eye.
